Rightfully Mine

Chapter 14

I sat nervously across the desk from Pastor Taylor, waiting for whatever he was going to say. It felt like I was a naughty six-year-old again. I hadn't spent a huge amount of time in this particular chair, but when I did, I usually wound up in tears. The last time I could remember was when I'd punched Billy Arnold for saying something nasty. Just like back then, I had no defense to offer for my actions now. Only apologies and tears.

I almost thought he wanted me to suffer more by waiting, but that wasn't true. Pastor Taylor wasn't cruel. He just wanted to make sure he said the right words. It was awful having to wait for those words to come though. I couldn't even hide behind Thomas at the moment. I'd given him to Jenny to hold. It was amazing how much easier it was to hand him to her now.

Not having anything to occupy my hands, I twisted them nervously in my lap and anxiously waited.

Finally, he sighed. "Kathryn, I'm disappointed in you."

I'd known that already, but it still hurt to hear and I looked down.

"Not just for your actions," he said. "Although, I think that's a given. I'm disappointed that you tried to hide this."

I was too ashamed to raise my eyes. And I still had nothing to say in my defense.

"Did you honestly think I would cast you out on the street if everyone else rejected you?"

"No." I hadn't realized that I was crying until I heard my voice crack.

Truthfully, I'd never worried about his rejection. If I'd only been worried about myself, Pastor Taylor would have been the one person in the world, aside from Julia, that I knew wouldn't reject me.

"Then I'm curious as to why you didn't think you could come to me," he said. "I care about you as if you were my own child. You should know that by now."

I looked at him, knowing he deserved an answer. Unfortunately, I didn't have one to give.

"I'm sorry," I said pathetically.

"Why did you do it? I've never known you to run from something because it was hard."

"I did it for Thomas," I said. "I thought it would be best for him to be raised with John and Jenny. As part of a real family."

"And now you don't?"

I shook my head. "Now I know it's best that he stays with me."

"And why is that?"

"Because, no matter what kind of life I can give him, I can love him better than anyone else."

He half-smiled. "I couldn't agree more."

I exhaled in relief, momentarily thinking we were done, but then Pastor Taylor turned pensive, and I knew that wasn't the case.

"What I said before was true, Kathryn," he began. "You won't be constantly held accountable for this. But there is something that I need to know, since I'm responsible for the spiritual well-being of this congregation."

I watched him, nervously.

"And I ask that you not lie to me. I think we've had enough of that for one day."

I nodded. "I won't lie."

He smiled. "You never were very good at it anyway."

Despite myself, I smiled a little.

His smile vanished and he looked serious again.

"Who's the father?"

My stomach dropped and I looked down. I already said I wouldn't lie, but how could I tell him that?