Rightfully Mine

Chapter 15

"Ugh!" Jenny said, pushing her plate away. "Nothing tastes right."

Julia and I exchanged a meaningful glance. I couldn't remember the last time Jenny refused Julia's fried chicken. It was her favorite.

John just looked at Jenny, oblivious as usual. Daniel, merely glanced up before going back to his food.

"You okay, Honey?" Julia asked.

Jenny moaned and rested her forehead on her hand. "I think I'm getting sick," she said. "Everything tastes wrong and I've been so tired lately."

Julia looked at me again and based on the happy but still wary expression on her face, she was thinking the same thing I was. That little Thomas wasn't going to be her only grandchild for very much longer. She wanted to be happy but she was worried about how I would take it.

It was strange. While part of me wanted to be jealous, I couldn't be. Not really. After everything that happened, Jenny deserved to be a mother and John deserved to be able to be a real father.

I just smiled at Julia, to let her know I was fine.

She smiled back at me, clearly relieved, before she abandoned her plate to go to Jenny.

"Sweetie, why don't you lie down for a little while," she said, standing over her. "Come on, you can use the spare room."

Jenny rubbed her eyes and nodded. "Alright." She pushed away from the table and followed Julia from the room.

A moment later, I heard Thomas' cry from the other room, announcing that he was no longer napping. Taking one last bite, I left the table and went to him.

"Awake so soon, my sweet boy?" I reached into the crib.

Once securely in my arms, Thomas stopped crying and stared at me. I smiled and kissed his head before I went to the chair in the corner. I was just about to feed him when someone knocked on the door.

"Come in." I sat back instead.

John appeared at the door. "Okay if I visit for a minute?"

At my nod, he made his way over and put his hand on the baby's head, smiling down at him.

"Do you want to...?" I offered him the baby. He hardly ever got to hold Thomas since he was sticking to the role of an uncle. He didn't even get to see him that much.

Like I told Pastor Taylor I would, I moved out of John's house as soon as possible. Julia was disappointed with me, of course, but she welcomed us into her home without hesitation. I was glad that she and Daniel had a large house. The room that I shared with Thomas was far enough away from theirs, that Thomas' cries didn't keep them up at night.

"No." John glanced at me. "I'm afraid I won't want to let him go."

I smiled sadly, knowing the feeling.

"I wanted to tell you I was sorry," he said. "For everything."

"It's okay, John."

"No, it's not." He sighed. "If I hadn't been so blind, this all could have been so different. It should have been."

"John, don't..." I wasn't afraid of doing anything anymore, especially not with Thomas in between us. But I didn't want to revisit this conversation and have to worry about taking either of our feelings where they didn't belong.

"I'll keep my hands to myself." He smiled wryly. "I promise."

I smiled and glanced down.

"I just want you to know it was the truth," he said. "I didn't just say all that before to..."

I blushed and shifted Thomas, feeling awkward.

"Anyway, I meant it," he said. "It should have been you. We could have been this little guy's parents together instead of having to do things this way."

"John, let's not... it doesn't matter anymore. We can't change it."

"I know," he said. "And I don't mean that I don't love Jenny. I do. And... we're getting better."

I met his eyes and gave him a small smile. I guessed things would get even better between them once he knew about Jenny's little surprise.

"I never knew I could love two people at once," he said. "I just... I just got things so mixed up."

I fixed my eyes on Thomas, waiting for John to finish since apparently he needed to get this off his chest.

"But like you said, we can't go back."

I just nodded.

"But maybe we can try to get our friendship back?"

I looked at him, hating what I had to do.

"John, I don't think we'll ever be able to be friends like we were," I said, feeling my eyes burn. "I think it would be too hard. I mean, things have been okay lately, but if we did... if we try to go back, eventually those feelings are going to come back and we'll be right back where we were."

He seemed like he might start crying too.

"We already know we can't trust ourselves," I said, letting the tears fall. "And I never want to betray my sister like that again."

He closed his eyes for a minute.

"I think I'll always love you," I said. "But we're better off, keeping things as they've been. At a distance."

"I've made such a mess of things." He stared into my eyes.

"We both did. You were right. I should have said something sooner. If I had, maybe... well, maybe nothing would have been different. Maybe you would have married Jenny anyway. But I think if I had, we wouldn't have been taken by surprise, and we wouldn't have done what we did."

He nodded. "I guess we'll never know."

"Yeah." I glanced down.

"But I'm sorry about the way things happened, Kat," he said. "I should have had better control."

"John, we both should have."

"This one's more on me." He gave me a stern look. "I pushed."

"Yeah, well I let you," I said, irritated. I was not some mindless idiot with no self control. Even if I'd acted that way.

John chuckled. "Stubborn as ever."

I smiled.

"And then at church..." He sighed. "I hated seeing you do that alone. I wanted so badly to stand with you."

"It's good that you didn't," I said. "For Jenny."

"I know. She's why I didn't."

"Pastor Taylor knows, John," I said, feeling like he should know that. "I didn't tell him. He just knew."

He nodded, looking thoughtful and a little worried. I knew he was probably thinking what I was. If Pastor Taylor knew, who else would know? Or at least suspect.

Thomas must have decided that he'd been sitting quietly long enough. He started crying, interrupting our thoughts.

"He's probably hungry," I said, rocking him.

John nodded, knowing he needed to leave, but clearly not wanting to. He stared into my eyes for a minute before he smiled down at our screaming son.

He placed a soft kiss on Thomas' head before heading for the door.

"Kat, you know if you need anything..." he said, standing in the doorway.

"I know." I managed a small smile and tears filled my eyes. This felt like goodbye. John was going to respect what I said and so our friendship was going to be distant from now on.

He gazed at me for another minute before he was gone.