Rightfully Mine

Chapter 7

Within the next few weeks, Mr. Harris made it very clear that, indeed, he was thinking about marriage. He started courting Julia and she would invite him over to supper a few times a week. I'd known Mr. Harris my whole life. Never very well, but he'd been friends with Papa. Now I got to know him a little better, and I wasn't worried about Julia. I knew he'd be good to her.

He even made subtle references about me moving in with them if they got married, but I was quick to tell him that I had plans to move out soon anyway. I could tell he was relieved hearing that. His kids were already grown and out of the house. He didn't really want me to come along with Julia, but I thought it was nice that he was willing to let me. And to his credit, he hid his relief well.

Things progressed quickly, and by John and Jenny's first anniversary, we were planning another wedding. I was lonely for myself, but I couldn't be happier for Julia. We sold the farm and I moved in with Jenny and John.

After John's grandfather died, he took over the ranch. He was busy almost all day, every day, so I hardly ever saw him. Even if I'd seen him all the time, it wouldn't have mattered. I was completely over my feelings for him. It had certainly taken long enough, but I was finally comfortable around him. I knew my place, and that it wasn't with him. I still loved him. I probably always would, but it didn't hurt anymore. I finally felt free and like I could laugh around him and work on building our friendship back to what it used to be.

Admittedly, It helped that he and Jenny weren't as disgustingly affectionate as they used to be. And it was nice that I got to spend so much time with Jenny. Even before John came into our lives, Jenny and I weren't that close. We fought a lot, growing up, and then when John came along, obviously, our friendship didn't grow. Now I felt like I could finally be friends with my sister.

It was hard to believe how grown up she'd become. She would make meals for all the people who worked on the ranch, and she ran the entire house all by herself - and it was a big house. It was pretty amazing, considering how much she used to whine and complain about the simplest chores.

Despite being more mature, she was still my spoiled baby sister and she would throw the occasional tantrum now and then. I was thankful that it wasn't me that she'd get in fights with anymore. It was John. Now, he was the one who stood in her way when she wanted something and he was the one who had to deal with her temper when she didn't get whatever it was. More than once, she stormed off, leaving him completely flustered during dinner. When that happened, I'd just hide my smile and act really interested in whatever was on my plate.

I kept up with my letters to Andrew. I hadn't really said anything about how my feelings for John had changed, but I think he could tell anyway. He hadn't mentioned anything romantic either, but I felt like it was coming, just like I did before. I was both nervous and excited. Nervous, because I still wasn't sure if I could love him that way. John wasn't the problem anymore, but I hadn't actually seen Andrew for over a year. I was excited because if I could love him, I was eager to get on with my life and to stop having to depend on other people. Right now, I was just going to focus on keeping a strong friendship with him.

He was apparently doing very well at his uncle's newspaper and had gotten several promotions in the last year. He said it was hard for him to get away, but he was supposed to come visit sometime soon. I guess I'd find out my feelings for him then. When the time came, I really hoped I'd finally be able to give him what he wanted and love him like he deserved to be loved. For his sake, but also for mine.

Even on a ranch with so many people, and with John and Jenny so close, I was incredibly lonely sometimes. Usually at night. Sometimes I'd lie awake for hours, letting myself mope. Every once in a while I would slip and mope about John, but it wasn't so much jealousy that I couldn't have him. Now it was more that I couldn't have what he and Jenny could.