Rightfully Mine

Chapter 6

The wedding was unbelievably hard, like I knew it would be. Next to losing Papa, it had been the most painful day of my life. The worst part was before the actual wedding even started. I was outside with Jenny, waiting until it was time to walk inside. She looked at me, not seeming nearly as happy as she should.

"You don't hate me, do you Kat?" she asked anxiously.

I managed a small smile. "I could never hate you, Jenny."

She just watched me, waiting for more confirmation. Apparently my attempts to shield my feelings about John were wasted. I wondered if there was anyone who didn't know I still loved him. Other than John, of course. He still seemed completely oblivious.

I took a deep breath. "You're my baby sister," I said. "I want you to be happy."

"Really?" she asked, tearing up.

I was fighting my own tears. "Really." I nodded. "John loves you, not me. He was never mine."

"I'm sorry, Kat," she said quietly. "I wish..." She looked off to the side, not knowing what to say. I knew she didn't wish John loved me instead, but it was enough that she wanted to make this better for me somehow.

"I know." I forced a smile. "It's okay. I'll be fine."

Jenny nodded, still clearly upset.

"Come on, now." I raised my chin, knowing if this kept up, I'd be a complete wreck. "None of this. It's your wedding day, and you're the most beautiful bride there ever was."

She smiled and wiped away her unshed tears right before Harry came outside and said it was time to start. Giving her a quick hug, I turned to walk into the church. Once inside, I stood out of view with my eyes closed for a moment, resolving to keep myself together long enough to do this.

Amazingly, I made it down the aisle without crying and even managed a small smile in answer to John's beaming one. But I didn't last much longer. Once I saw Jenny, I couldn't stop the tears from flowing. At least it wasn't uncommon for people to cry at weddings though, so people wouldn't think anything strange about it. Of course, they didn't realize that it wasn't happy tears I cried.

But at least, what I'd said to Jenny had been true. I didn't hate her. I loved her and I valued her happiness. At the very least, I could be glad that my sister was so happy, even if I wasn't.

And even though it was incredibly painful to have to see, it was actually a good thing, like Julia said. Now I knew there was no going back. John really wasn't mine and he never would be. My heart couldn't believe otherwise anymore. I finally had some closure where John was concerned and I knew that as bad as I felt right now, it would only get better from now on.

Andrew didn't leave until after the wedding. He said he wanted to make sure I was alright, but I suspected he really wanted to see for himself that it happened. That nothing stood in their way. Especially not me.

A week later, he was gone. He wrote like he said he would. I got three or four letters a week, but it wasn't anything like having him with me.

I resumed my life, doing chores around the house and then some to keep extra busy. I started spending more time with Rachel and helping out at the church when they needed it. Months passed and I really was doing better. I was finally starting to get over John.

It was incredibly quiet and lonely around the house, but it was for the best right now. I finally felt like I was able to see John the way I was supposed to - belonging to Jenny. I didn't even cry anymore when I thought about them being married, but I missed them. Even though I'd always been uncomfortable around them and had tried to distance myself, they'd still been a huge part of my life. Now I only saw them on Sundays and maybe once or twice during the week. I was eager to speed up the process of healing my heart so that I could truly be John's friend again and finally be Jenny's.