Michael Clifford's Secret Sister

✖ 28 ✖

*trigger warning*

Maekayla's point of view

It was late at night and I couldn't sleep, well, not anymore at least. I was too afraid to go back to sleep. My dreams scared me. They were like nightmares, but they weren't at the same time. They were memories, and I don't think that qualifies as nightmares.

I had woken up three times tonight, each from a dream I wish never happened. The first dream was of when me and Michael was in high school. It was when he had hit me for the first time. The hatred in his eyes and the anger laced in his voice would forever be engraved into my brain.

The second dream of was of when I had got sent home for fighting in school. It wasn't even fighting, it was self defense from some girl who believed it was okay to punch me in the nose for standing 'too close' to her boyfriend. My parents were extremely upset and were screaming at me, telling me how worthless I was and how they wished I wasn't born.

The last, the one I just woke up from, was of earlier today. The man and how he man-handled me. His filthy hands on me and his sickening voice. However, the boys weren't there to help me this time, and he had done more than just get me on my knees.

I sighed and buried my head between my knees. My head was hurting and I just wish I could forget. I wish I could forget everything. I wish I could get into another car accident and forget.

The all to familiar twitch of my fingers happened and I bit my lip. I couldn't, could I? What would Calum think? What would Luke think? Ashton? More importantly, what would Michael think?

They won't find out if you do it on your thighs....

My mind was sick and it was twisted. I had these demons in my head and I thought they left, but I was wrong. After all, they don't just leave with the snap of a fingers and a real laugh.

Oh no, these stay with you. They cling to you and fuel your mind with cruel thoughts. Some are ones such as, skip that meal and they'll like you. Another one could be, look at that cliff, someone would die if they jumped, why don't you find out?

I pulled my hair and looked up at the wall infront of me. My nails dug into my hands once I sent them down and I sighed. I couldn't do this. I just can't. But I needed to. Even if I disappoint the boys, I have to.

I threw my legs over my bed and stood up. I walked to my bathroom and switched the light on. I bent down and opened my drawer, but I couldn't find the box in which I hid the razor blade and bandages.

I panicked and searched through them a second time. I saw a sticky note on the bottom of my drawer and I looked at it. It was in someone's hand writing, but I wasn't sure who's it was.

'I told you countless times, you don't need this. You can make it without this.'

I felt like crying right now. Did they not know how much I needed these? I couldn't live without them. They were always there when no one else was and I can't just start a new life without them.

I flipped the note around and saw that Calum had signed it. Of course. He would have dug through my things in order to find it. He would have flushed it.

I felt like screaming, until I remembered a pack of sharpeners I had gotten not too long ago. I stood up and went to my desk. I yanked opened all of my drawers and soon saw the unopened pack.

I ripped it opened and then yanked the cover off of one. I grabbed a mini screwdriver that was here for this main reason and undid the screw on it. I needed this so badly, I spent twenty minutes looking for a good one. A nice, clean, and sharp blade.