Carter

Chapter 18

 Carter's pov-

I'm done being wrapped up in my room, surrounded by reminders of Miles. I need to get out of this fucking house before I lose my mind. I feel like I'm slowly fucking suffocating, the walls slowly closing in on me. I just can't take it anymore. I put on a black turtleneck sweater and a pair of black jeans. I styled my hair so it was half up/ half down.

After Carson found me in the shower last night he insisted on staying with me to make sure I was okay but I wasn't having it. I just wanted to be alone. I don't need their pity. I stayed up the whole night, too scared to let myself fall asleep. When I sleep, I dream of him, of that night. I don't want to keep reliving it. I don't want to think about it.

I slipped my phone into my back pocket and made my way downstairs. When I walked into the kitchen all of my brothers looked at me surprised. I can't blame them. I haven't really seen them since everything happened, I've been doing my best to avoid them. Caspian stood up and walked over to me, " Hey, peaches. How're you doing?" he asked softly, putting his hand on my shoulder.

I shrugged off his shoulder, " Fine." I murmured, reaching for the pot of coffee that was on the table. I poured myself a mug and took a sip. I looked up to see they were all still staring at me, " Are you going somewhere?" Callum asked nervously. I set down the mug and cleared my throat, " I'm going back to work. I'll be home late, don't wait up." I said, turning to walk out of the room, desperate to avoid conversing any further.

I managed to make it to the door before someone grabbed my arm to stop me. I whirled around to see Caspian, who was quick to remove his hand. " Sorry, I didn't mean to grab you, you just left so quickly." he apologized and I gave a quick nod of acknowledgement. " Are you sure you're ready to go back to work? It's okay if you need more time. Maybe take some time off and work on yourself a little bit." he said, eyeing me cautiously.

I shook my head, " I'm fine and I'm going back." I said sternly, trying to get across that there's no changing my mind. He gave me a sad smile, " You don't have to be strong, Carter. It's okay to break, it's okay to cry. I know you're hurting, don't bottle it up, it's just going to get worse. I know you don't know us that well but we're here for you, forever and always. You don't have to carry the weight of the world anymore." he said, wrapping his arms around me, pulling me into a tight hug.

I felt my eyes water slightly at the thought of letting everything go. Of letting someone else carry the burden of this, but I kept it together. I cleared my throat, blinked away the tears that wanted to fall and wiggled out of his hold. " Have a nice day, Caspian." I said stiffly, rushing out the door.

I was looking forward to a peaceful walk to work but of course that didn't work out. Ace and Ezra were waiting outside for me and flanked me on both sides. We made it a solid five minutes into the walk before Ace broke the silence. " How've you been doing, Car?" he asked, casting a glance in my direction but for the most part keeping his eyes set on our surroundings.

" Fine." I answered shortly. " We didn't get the chance to say this earlier but we're both very sorry for your loss. Miles was an amazing kid and we know how much you loved him. " Ezra said, trying to make eye contact with me, even though I was doing everything I could to avoid eye contact. " Thank you." I whispered, digging my nails into my palm.

My work building finally came into view and I felt my anxiety spike. Flashes of Miles' dead body laying in my arms flashing through my mind. I dug my nails in harder, I could feel blood dripping down my hand. I tried to focus on my breathing and my surroundings, desperate to ground myself to reality but it wasn't working.

I could feel his blood on my hands, his tiny little limp body in my arms. I could see the shard of glass sticking out of him. I could hear my screams and cries as I begged him to wake up.