Laf: Who the fuck added me to a fucking group chat?
John: >:O language
Mania: Yeah watch your fucking language
Aaron: Okay, who taught Mania the fuck word?!
Alex: 'The fuck word'.
Hercules: Are you stupid? You guys use the f word all the time
Mania: Oh my god they censored it
Alex: Say fuck, Hercules.
Mania: Do it, Hercules. Say fuck.
—
Squad reactions to being called straight:
Laf: The fuck, no I'm not.
John: Excuse the hell out of you?
Hercules: Ding dong, you are wrong!
Alex: Who told you that? And why did they lie?
Aaron: Rude.
Mania: *punches the person*
—
Mania: We have a problem.
John: Let me guess, you caused it?
Alex: Gimme a sec, I'm not drunk enough to listen to this yet.
Aaron: And it's another Tuesday, your point?
Hercules: Would shooting you solve this problem? No? Then shut up.
Laf: If you're mean the fire, that's our solution to last week's problem.
—
John: The floor is lava!
Alex: *helps Laf onto the counter*
Aaron: *kicks Hercules off the sofa*
Mania: *lays on the floor*
John: ...Are you okay?
Mania: No.
—
Laf: Hercules kissed me!
Alex: Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!
Laf: It was unbelievable!
Alex: Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!
Aaron: Okay, we wanna hear everything. Alex, get the wine and unplug the phone. Laf, does this end well or do we need tissues?
Laf: Oh, it ended very well.
Alex: Do not start without me! Do not start without me!
Aaron: Okay, alright, let's hear about the kiss. Was it a soft brush against your lips or was it like a, you know, "I gotta have you now" kind of thing?
Laf: Well, at first it was really intense, you know? And then, oh God, and then we just sort of sunk into it.
Aaron: Ohh... So, okay, were they holding you? Or were their hands on your back?
Laf: First they started out on my waist and then they slid up and then they were in my hair.
Alex and Aaron: Ohhh.
*meanwhile*
Hercules eating pizza in their house: And, uh, and then I kissed them.
Mania: Tongue?
Hercules: Yeah.
John: Cool.
—
Hercules: A butterfly! Hey, little guy, gal or nonbinary pal!
John: Can a butterfly be nonbinary?
Hercules: I mean, maybe? I don't judge.
Mania, staring dreamily out of the window: Ah, have you ever imagine having butterfly wings? Then-
Alex: Then it would be inconvenient as fuck. Your wings would smack every doorframe and your clothes would have to have holes in the back.
Aaron: Also, your wing's paper thin, so even a six year old aimed a NERF gun at it would... Yeah...
Laf: *sips coffee* According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way that a-
Mania: No, nononono. You fuckers have already shattered my dream, you don't get the fucking privilege to make that reference.
John: Also, it's about a butterfly, not a bee... Why would you make that reference?
Hercules: You clearly have not lived with them long enough.
—
Alex: If you put 'violently' in front of anything to describe your action, it becomes funnier.
Alex: Violently practices.
John: Violently studies.
Aaron: Violently sleeps.
Laf: Violently shoots pictures.
Hercules: Violently boxes.
Mania: Violently murders people.
Aaron: Violently worries about the previous statement.
Das it for now
YOU ARE READING
Fishi's Big Book O Bullshit!
Fanfiction(Cover art not mine) OH CRACK MEMES, HEAD CANONS, AND CRACK DOODLES GALORE. OH WHAT DOES MS. FISHI HAVE IN STORE??? NOT COMPELTED (I did not mean for that to rhyme but it was AWESOME)
