What The Actual? (LotR x Reader)

Fuck the Goblins Comin' Straight From the Underground

Everyone was on high alert as Gandalf continued reading, sure there was valuable information in the old pages of the journal. You boredly paced around, balancing the blunt end of your light sword on the tips of your fingers, trying to hold it up.

Pippin turned to see a corpse sitting by the stone well, and jumped, only to realize it was dead. Curiously, he reached out and carefully touched the arrow. You saw him in your peripheral vision and turned, catching your sword as you went to speak, but it was too late. The arrow head broke off from the rest, causing the skull to fall down and bang against the cavern as it tumbled. He cringed in sync with you, looking at the disapproving faces of the Fellowship--and then the body, the chain and bucket went over the side of the well and fell down into a pit, the noise ricocheting from hall to hall. He winced embarrassingly as Gandalf slammed the book shut.

You coughed.

"Fool of a Took!" He quietly thundered, glowering down from his height. He seemed to grow when he was angry, and it was, undoubtedly, rather scary.
"Throw yourself in next time and rid us of your stupidity!" Gandalf sure was a savage. He yanked his Staff from the half-ling, who was holding it for him, his hat as well, grumbling.

"From now on there is a new rule of travel, do not touch anything,"

"What about the ground," You quipped, and Legolas snorted, having already dealt with this once.

Gandalf was not keen on entertaining this behavior, and sought to ignore it. But you pestered.

"What about the air? Can I touch that? I have to breathe after all--and its quite hard to avoid if you didn't know. Oh and what about--" You paused, seeing the frustration grow on the Wizard's face, but just before he could snap at you Sam noticed the blue glow coming from Sting, and pointed, worry lacing his voice as he called out.

"Frodo!" Gurgles and yelps, screeches and howls, were all soon heard by the others a smaller distance away, the stomping of their scurrying feet loud and eerie as the other Hobbit stood to his feet, unsheathing his sword as he stared at the glowing blade with anxiousness, looking to Aragorn.

"Man," You groaned picturing the decaying faces of the orcs. Their skin was like moldy sandpaper, like if a gorilla wiped its face in a pile of asses and set itself on fire, that would be an Orc. A flaming shit gorilla.

"This is it. This is where I die. IN THE MINES OF MORIA!"

Boromir made a mad dash to barricade the doors while the others scrambled about. When he reached it, black arrows (not the dragon killing ones) were shot and he was almost hit in the face. Aragorn dropped his torch and turned, yelling to the Hobbits as he rushed to help Boromir hold the door.

"Get back! Stay close to Gandalf!" They circled behind the Wizard, who gripped his staff and his sword in the other hand, (he looked really badass), and looked around, seeing Legolas standing a few feet away beside Gimli with his bow at the ready.

Aragorn called to you from his position seeing you stand stupidly in the middle of the cave, teeth gritting as his feet slid with Boromir's, the old door creaking as more and more Goblins began to press against it.
"(Y/n)! Stay close to Legolas."

"I rather die--"
There was a loud roar, and you took a few stumbling steps towards the Elf.

"They have a cave-troll." Boromir stated, bewildered as he turned around, blue eyes wide.

You glanced over your shoulder to Legolas.

"Traitor! I thought you were on our team!"

The Elf ignored you, his keen eyes searching the room for anything they could use the hold them off, and tossed half broken spears and axes to the men to help with the blockade. The door still shook, that was when everyone shared a look, knowing there was no way they were going to keep them out for long. So Gimli brandished his axe, leaping to the top of Balin's tomb as he yelled, everything he's been put through over the past few days coming out in a rage.