What The Actual? (LotR x Reader)

Sore Losers

A/N We're going to pretend Gandalf still has a hat (hat Gandalf is just so much more wizard-like) just wanted to clear this up in case it confuses anyone with the whole Gandalf the grey/white ordeal. He is still Gandalf the White now, just Gandalf the White with a hat.) Also, I have not written in a very long time and have to get back into the swing of things. I know these two chapters may not be the best-paced or the best content period, but I'll try to edit them again and make them better when I get more inspiration. I have had writer's block for such a long time, and it is hard to force myself to write when I don't have a lot of motivation. I would like to thank my wonderful editor for fixing so many errors I have not had the drive to bother with, it helped and meant a lot :). I wish you all the best, and hope to continue to update and improve.

Also, a small chapter has been added titled "The Story of Coolio" for anyone who is interested in the strange Elf of Lothlorian. Now, make haste!

"You have fought many wars and slain many men, Théoden King, and made peace afterward. Can we not take counsel together as we once did, my old friend? Can we not have peace, you and I?" You squinted up with dry eyes and scoffed at the once white wizard, jutting your thumb skywards as you leaned towards Boromir. The audacity. Here is chump was, begging for peace after he caused such a big mess. Then again, you'd probably do the same as a last resort.

"Can you get a load of this guy?" Your friend of Man snorted, arms folding as his vambraces clashed together, catching glimmers of sunlight.

"Asking for mercy after he has nearly cost the life of us all," he shook his head in judgment.

"Foolish if you ask me."

"Foolish indeed," The Elf injected, sharing in your moment of stifled conversation. You craned your neck, unamused by his intrusion, which he only ignored.

"This is an A-B conversation, so C your way out of it."

"Three letters of the alphabet? And to think I thought you illiterate. You baffle me every day, miss Y/n." The ground was patchy, full of thick heavy mud and barren dry spots alike, so you were careful in your steps as you went around the man of Gondor to bicker.

"Miss Y/n? Did you finally learn some manners--"

The king spoke above your quiet gossip (which was cut short by the sharp look of the Ranger), and his aged face scowled, sarcasm heavy as it dripped from his lips like drool. The bitterness of Théoden's words was heavy enough to sink a ship, and you hoped you never were on the receiving end of such a tone again.

"Peace?" He gave a disgruntled laugh, stepping forward as Gandalf watched him wearily, making sure he did not make any stupid movements. To be fair, the guy had been through hell and back, as had his people, so it was only fair that he was allowed to give the one responsible a piece of his mind. It seemed your own wizard understood this, as he kept himself restrained temporarily, giving the king of Rohan time to air his grievances.

"We shall have peace--we shall have peace when you answer for the burning of the Westfold, and the children that lie dead there," he spat, sweat making his gaze burn with more than just hatred. Beads dripped from his hairline onto his scorched, red skin, and as he shouted his forearm raised to shield the blinding rays that peeked from behind the mountains. It was indeed blistering weather, which wasn't surprising due to your distance to Mordor, but it nonetheless left you parched and sweltering. You wiped your lids with the back of your hand. Gimli silently offered his stained handkerchief. You silently accepted it.

"We shall have peace when the lives of the soldiers whose bodies were hewn, even as they lay dead against the gates of the Hornburg, are avenged," His volume swelled upwards, louder and louder, and at the end of it all his throat was raw, his finger raised and pointed as if he was about to smite Saruman with the power of whatever lord they had there. The Elf had mentioned the name of their god before, but you hardly remembered anything he told you.