Tanhaiyan | neirohi

12. complicated

He rang the doorbell. It took ten minutes straight before the door opened. Not sparing him a glance, she walked back and threw herself face first on the sofa. He followed behind slowly, after getting rid of his socks and shoes, plopping himself next to her.

Stealing the pillow which was placed securely under her head, he hugged it tighter. Stuffing his face into it he groaned, tired. A similar sound was heard next to him, as the one who was responsible for it sat up and slid down onto the floor. She sat there having no energy left to pick herself up again.

He loosened his tie which felt like a leash, throwing it away. It felt into her lap on the floor which made her throw it backwards, without even looking where it fell. The tie would remain undiscovered under the sofa till the next time they cleaned up the whole place, which would happen months later.

Both of them groaned at the same time and rubbed their faces. Where was a break when they needed one? Tilting his head slightly, he asked.

"Hospital?"

"Wahi par hain. It has not run away, I wish it did though."

He nodded, tired like her to explain or ask further. Digging out the car keys, he dropped them on the table. She threw her head back lightly.

"Interview?"

"Sixth one. Don't have hopes for this one and the others did not call."

The city was vast and competitive. Opportunities were many, but how you use them, that does the trick. Rubbing her aching neck, she groaned lightly once again. The continuous 72 hour shift made her immobile now. There was a big accident on the highway and hence, the chaos. Noticing her discomfort, he offered help which she refused blatantly. They had their reasons.

"I'm experienced in this chipkali. I do it for bhai all the time."

"Akshu ke sautan toh tum hee nikle."

Nevertheless, there came a point when the pain was so intense, that she almost felt that her head would get detached from the rest of her body. Groaning with pain, she reluctantly agreed to his offer. Sliding a bit to the left, she dropped her hands as he took over.

Sitting on the sofa, his familiar fingers went in circles slowly, careful not to make it worse. This ran on loop, till she felt her pain reduce slightly. The shoulder blades felt better and the pain bearable. But then it felt so good, that it slipped out of her mind to ask him to stop. Her memory hit her strong, making her forget where she was.

Everytime princess Aarohi Goenka would have a similar searing pain after sitting in all sorts of weird positions during her classes, it used to be that gentle touch which made her feel alright again. She would get scolded a lot, but Kartik Goenka could never stand the tears his girls shed. Holding his ears he would apologize and lift them into his arms, keeping them on top of the world. They were his world.

Only a single tear rolled down as she blinked the rest away, before they could fall.

"What's happening in the interviews?"

He looked surprised, almost like he did not want to be reminded of it. But that made her even more curious.

"I think I'm out of touch."

"But you do have a working experience certificate. It's not like the panel knows whether you are out of touch or not, chamgadar?"

He sat back, taking away his hands. She clicked her tongue at the loss of touch, but he was too perturbed to notice. Turning back, she sat patiently, facing him. He opened his mouth a few times and closed it, struggling to exactly explain what he wanted to.

"I... I feel that I'm out of touch with my work. It's... it's weird. Back at Birla house, yes technically I did the job cause that's what I majored at. Plus, I am a Birla. Or at least by name. That was more like running errands, I was just fooling around I guess. This... this is solid work. Everytime they ask me whether I think I'm capable of doing it or not, I ask myself — can I do it? And the worst part is, I don't see myself saying a yes, then how can I convince them? How?"

He was in a trance. At one point he lost track that he was talking to someone else, he was just talking to himself. The confusion and doubts he had on something which he was terrifically good at, was breaking him bit by bit. Piece by piece. His confidence had taken the blow.

"Why don't you try for an internship? Like, straightaway job kyu?"

He threw a glance at her, confused. Her hands clapped together as she continued to advocate her point.

"Look, one of us is already earning. So it's not like a life and death situation. You go for an internship, build your career right from scratch. Slow and steady. Give yourself a chance chamgadar, tum utne bhi bure nahi ho. Plus, never too late to learn."

He looked at her surprised.

Give yourself a chance Neil beta.

How was all he wanted to ask. But no words came out as all he could do was nod. He watched her hair bounce as she turned back again, and tapped her shoulders. Amidst all this, she was determined to make full use of the free service she got. Who knew if she could ever get it again?

"You will. On one condition."

She had to learn to stop talking aloud.

"Now what?"

"Friends?"

She stilled. It wasn't that she forgot his indirect offer. And she was expecting an upfront one as well. Perhaps not this soon. His fingers continued doing their job, going gentle and slow. It had a soothing effect on her. She almost sighed as he ran over her tense joints, with just the thin red straps covering her skin. Wrapping her arms around herself, she tried to get the goosebumps disappear. Conscious of the touches now, a memory buried in the back of her mind caught hold of her, turning her ears red. They stayed like that for another few minutes till she slipped out of his hold, who knows what stupidity she would've done had it continued. Feelings she was weary of, creeping into her was not something she was looking forward to again.

"Why?"

"We don't have a choice Aarohi. Shaadi toh ho chuki hain. If we want to work on it, better start at snail pace. What say?"

"Like baby steps?"

"Precisely."

She had her eyes lowered. Barely, she managed to breathe out.

"I'll think about it."

Stumbling out of the room, she locked herself in the washroom. His eyes followed her till she was out of his sight. Time would tell if he really did ruin everything at one shot.

Complicated?

Complicated.

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