Tanhaiyan | neirohi

36. free

She dropped her bag on her dressing table, dropping herself along with it. In every sense.

Sitting on the chair, she sighed as her fingers played with her hair. Just three days a week at work now, yet she felt more tired than ever. With her exams approaching soon, she started taking the leaves they were granting. The hospital too had started giving out new job appointments since the interns and residents like her were about to quit. Of course, depending on whether she clears the exam or not.

Her shoulders slumped as she stared at herself.

The woman she saw now was not the girl she knew four years ago. For the better as well as for the worse. Eye-lids half open, she could barely cover up a yawn. She even cut her sister's call, texting her that she'll call back later. Hands moving lazily on the screen, she tapped her sister's profile and smiled on the seeing the petite beauty. That smile of Akshara which lit up the world. Her eyes darted between the lively picture and her own lifeless reflection.

The looks, the ambitions, the happiness, the innocence—it was all hers. Akshara owned each of it. Heck, the golden blood as well.

The phone dropped from her hands on the table with a light thud as she gulped, sucking in the air. Her eyes which once upon a time would burn at the mere thought of her being second, were nothing but hollow today. She lost. In life, she really lost. The tears made their way as it all hit back with a force, burning her eyes. None of it mattered anymore. Because there was no such thing as the second place. It's either the first place or nothing.

And she was just nothing.

Nothing.

No substance, no emotions, no feelings.

The reason why she left Goenka house. Everyone around her, from Bade papa to Vansh bhaiya, everyone was happy. Except for her. No matter what she did, how much she tried, why was it that her life crossed over with the people she left behind? Or the ones who left her behind. Why was happiness a crime for her? To feel happy, to feel satisfied, to feel contented with herself, what would it take?

Somehow she had managed to press down these insecurities in the last four years. Now that she was happy rather than being just fine, why was all of it hitting back?

Why did the last few months feel like a bubble which would pop anytime soon?

She wanted to be happy. That never meant that she was not scared. Every second when she felt lighter, got her terrified the next minute. She wanted to steal some happiness, the tiniest bit for herself. But to pay the price for being happy? No, she did not look forward to going down that path again. The sunken eyes captured her terror, unmoving.

The call which came in the afternoon was a bit of a shock.

"For the sake of Akshu and Neil, let's call it a truce doct... I mean, Aarohi."

Five minutes. Five minutes for her to decide whether it was worth or not. She was speechless. It was a big step. To forget all that she did, he did, the insults thrown around without a care. Were the two people for whom she would swallow down all the spite, worth it? The day was already tough for her, why make it worse?

Rohi, sometimes it's not just for others that we let go. Sometimes, it is for ourselves, so that we can move forward without the guilt holding us back. As selfish as it sounds, that is what apologies are.

After the call, she stopped by room 301. The room was empty, no patients this time. Holding onto the wall for support, she tried to gain back what she lost. Hope, where to find it? To bring back the ones whom she lost, how?