Tanhaiyan | neirohi

37. dare

"Good job Aaru," she patted herself and sighed as her screen lit bright. Ninety-eight percentile in a mock test, finally. The emotional turmoil had deterred her so much, that she was worried about her performance which trailed on a downtrend. After coaxing herself on how she was the best, she finally got her usual scores back. At least something should turn out well in her life. For the sake of her sanity.

Eyes discreetly drifting over to the person who sat in the hall, her contentedness fell.

Taking small steps, she sat at the edge of the couch, nerves twisting. With him being back on his busy office schedule and her giving her everything into the preparation for the exam, they had no talks, no time. She clutched her phone tighter, crossing her legs. He paused typing, hands stuck on the keys. Looking up from the laptop, his eyes softened at the restlessness.

"Tea?"

He asked, watching her scrunch her nose at the sight of the ungodly beverage. Nevertheless, she nodded, which he knew was just for the sake of it. To stick around a bit longer if it helped. Keeping away the hint of a smile, he got her cup and poured a small share of his tea into hers, knowing she wouldn't need much. Her grip on the phone and cup tightened. Taking a deep breath, he took the lead, explaining himself.

"Your sister does love you. A lot. She was worried that day when you called because you didn't seem like yourself. I did not want her to panic, toh we talked. That's it. I was not trying to... you know..."

She nodded as he trailed off.

"I—"

She paused, gulping down the words.

She looked at him, trying to decide. The brown eyes as always, gave her the answers she needed. Inching closer, she sat next to him, cracking her knuckles.

"I loved my sister. My brother as well. Mumma-papa too. The family also."

"You don't now?"

"I don't know anymore. I don't know how."

She sighed, the dilemma since years being stuck. It ate her head off at times, got her scared when she realized what she had become. Was she really as dreadful as people claimed? Was she really the devil and all of them saints? Was she really heartless? Did the Aarohi Goenka who was her papa's princess get lost to the extent that she could never be found again?

"The very first thing I thought was love, was maybe what my parents had," she recalled, "something which was a close next was perhaps what Akshu and I had. Of course, my parents and me also. Their love for me. That is what I called love, perceived love as. Not all those valentine balloons."

She chuckled, sniffing. He furrowed his eyebrows, listening intently.

"When it came out that Akshu and I were half-siblings, the whole mystery of Naira Goenka arose, I'm not sure but I think that's when things changed." She blinked her tears away, hoping the doubts did as well. Playing with the hem of her t-shirt, she continued, "I think it was gradual, not right away. Somehow, suddenly everyone who was mine seemed so... unfamiliar. My father loved my mother, but then she was also the woman who had the same face his former wife did, did he really love my mother? Or was it just the face he loved?"

Her nails dug into the insides of her palm.

It wasn't without reasons that she hated fairytales. One Cinderella story with her sisters as the thorns and the prince to save the day. The step-sisters were evil because they were proud and haughty. Pride was evil, of course. Societal standards. The prince to save the damsel in distress, as if marriage was the only solution to save a person from their sufferings. Sounded too similar. Too close to home.