Tanhaiyan | neirohi

13. only time

Switching off the dim light, her eyes darted back and forth between the bed and the table.

The man on the left side of the bed did not move an inch even as his wife sat wide awake. Busy lives, busy days. Surgeries and interviews lined up, they had no time for themselves or for each other. The spark which bloomed years ago, no more evident after thirty-three years of marriage. She crossed her arms, eyes stuck on the almost torn photo. Two sisters, young and naive. So naive. Her sister who was always there for her. When did they drift apart to this extent? When did she become who she is now? How?

When did she become a person who could throw everything aside to gain her personal goals only? Everything, even the sister she had loved so dearly?

She could see it in front of her eyes, even today. Two young school-going girls taking shelter under the thick canopy, saving themselves from the rain. The younger one bit into the raw mango she stole from the teacher's yard. The elder one pulled her sister's plait, her naughtiness was getting way out of hand. And the younger one? She smiled in response, feeding her sister a piece of the sour green treat. Her sister was a gem, the elder realized. Kissing her hair, she brought her sister into a closer hug. Their warmth defeated even the coldest showers.

And today?

She herself put her treasure into the lion's den. It was meant for her betterment, but the way it went spiraling down afterwards was a nightmare. A living nightmare.

For the first time in years, Mahima Birla wished to see her sister's genuine smile.

Just once.

Please.

°

"Sister, get these tests done please. And also, just watch out for those interns. Koyi gadbad naa karde."

She walked out of the general ward, cracking her knuckles. Her colleague had informed that she was taking over. And that's how she ended up sitting at the bench in the lawn, eyes closed. She had the choice of going home but she did want some time alone.

She had a lot on her mind lately.

Thoughts wrapped around the offer, his words from few days ago. Why was he bringing it up again and again? What good would it do to him if she agreed to be his friend? How would it make any difference? She was not a person who kept friends. Acquaintances? Yes. College mates? Yes. Colleagues? Yes.

But friends?

No.

Never.

Another betrayal or rejection of any sort was nothing she would face. Or she could face. She was done with it. Done fighting against fate. A person who believed she could write her own life, she was once upon a time. But being pulled down constantly was tiring. A flicker of memory came up at the right time.

Rohi, we are friends right?

A question which she had never answered. Not in the past, neither in the present. And now, because of a certain someone, the future remained uncertain. It had got her thinking for sure. Never did she know that those were one of the lasts they had.

Someone who made her think about her life again. What was she doing? What was she doing to herself? Someone who made her think about what she did to herself. And more importantly, someone who made her take a step forward. Was he a friend?

Maybe.

How was she to know? The word which held only a tainted memory for her. It reminded her of only one person.

The very first time she heard that word, it was from her sister. Little Goenka girls were the best of friends, beyond their sisterhood it was their friendship which stood out. The first person to know everything about each other. Right from the gifts they made to the chocolates they hid, everything. Whenever Kairav would be home during vacations, the two of them teamed up to trouble him a lot. With Sirat intervening and both the girls having their ears pulled, was how it would end. And Kairav would be the best brother, reading out his chemistry lessons and putting his sisters to sleep instantly.

Rare moments but precious.

Little by little as they grew up, things changed. Times when she started noticing every look, every word thrown her way. Or Akshara's for that matter. Times when she felt that they loved her for the sake of it. Just for the sake of it. The tensed looks the family shared when she brought up anything about Akshara. Even the lightest banters they had, got the adults holding their breath. Of course, Akshara being how she was got the issues resolved quickly. Her sister had the sweetest smile for sure, it lit up the house instantly.

Her stroll paused abruptly. Stopping near the rose bushes, she plucked one out, without any mercy. A trickle of blood oozed from her finger, thorns hurting a thorn like her. The red rose stared back at her, the way it did many years ago.

Red roses were the universal representative of love. No wonder. Love and red. Two things which were the biggest premonitions in her life. Everything unpleasant was red. Love to pain, everything was red. She was better off without it. Red instantly meant trouble. Which translates to, run away when you can.

She should've as well. Twenty years ago, she should've as well.

The crafty smile when it made its way, always showed the glimmer of victory. The red petals stuck in that ebony hair, right above the nick of her ear, was something she would never forget. Sheila Shekhawat Rathore was unforgettable.

A grandmother she never knew.

A grandmother she wished she never had.

Someone who made her wonder forever. Had she not popped up out of nowhere, had she never met her, had she never spoke to her. If all these hads were true, would this never happen? Would the sisters still be together? Would they still be attached to each other's hips?

The flower slipped out of her hand.

She had made up her mind.

No more what ifs. Only time could tell whether she made a mistake this time as well. What's there to lose? Wrong decisions were all she made in her life. One more to add to that, what could possibly go wrong?

Only time could tell.

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