ME: What a nice sueño
RAZZ: I dreamed of sex
(Rivers busts into the room and does twenty front flips)
RIVERS: Speaking of sex, today at 12 am is the yodeling tournament
I think I'm gonna enter
KURT: Is Fred the reigning champion of that too?
RIVERS: Actually no the reigning champion is a stupid guy named Brendon Urine
(I stand up on my bed and point my finger to the sky)
ME: I'm gonna beat him and make his high hopes, low
(Rivers pulls a box out of his asshole)
RIVERS: Oh I got you guys some eggs for breakfast
(Kurt gets a red egg, Razz gets a green egg, and I get an egg with Steve-O's face on it)
(I eat that fucker in a single bite)
KURT: Thanks daddy
ME: I'm going back to sleep wake me up when the yodeling tournament is gonna start
(honk mimimimi)
RAZZ: Fire! The contest is in 2 minutes get your bussy up
ME: Oh shiver me timbers
(Razz, Kurt, Rivers and I run out the door down the long yellow halls and make our way to the game room)
KURT: I think I see Brendon, oh shizzle is that Quellin???
(We all look over and see Quellin still wearing that stupid tank top and he looks angry, like he's gonna curb stomp some babies, angry)
ME: idk if I can do this, I haven't yodeled since the accident
(Kurt and Razz gasp)
RAZZ: You got this Fire, Brendon is mid
(Razz and Kurt hug Fire)
KURT: Plus Quellin probably can't sing to save his life
(The room darkens and a spotlight appears on a a short dog with frisky furr and a sexy bod god damn)
BEN: Ben, ho ho ho, no
(A guy who looks like an emo Michael Jackson comes into the room and starts translating what the seductive dog is saying)
GERARD: Welcome all to the Pinkerton Annual Yodeling Tournament
BEN: Yes ho ho ho
GERARD: Six will compete, only one will come out as the champion
(My bussy is quaking in nervous)
BEN: Ben
GERARD: Let the games begin... oh did I mention? there's a prize
ME *whispers*: ong
GERARD: The winner of this contest gets the great massive golden dildo made of real gold and three first class tickets to the JONATHAN DAVIS ROLLERCOASTER
(Everyone starts screaming and jumping)
KURT: NO FORKING WAY, Fire you have to win this now
(I literally set on fire and suddenly sunglasses appear on my face I pull them down and smirk)
ME. Let's rock and roll
(Gerard brings me over to the person I'm paired with , its a short blond dude who looks like he's gonna say some racially motivated slurs)
EMINEM: I'm slim shady yes I'm the real shady
ME: I'm Fire
(We shake hands and Gerard cues Slim to start yodeling)
(Slim busts out his yodeling over a goofy ahh cartoonish beat, he finishes by calling me the f slur)
YOU ARE READING
The Pinkerton Hotel
HumorKurt Cobain and his friends Razz and Fire didn't expect their fun getaway at The Pinkerton Hotel would take a turn... for the worst.
