(We waited until morning at our room for Fire to finally wake up)
FIRE: What happened
ME: Quellin choked you
FIRE: That's kinda hot, wait why would he choke me
RAZZ: He was made that you won the yodeling tournament!
FIRE: I DID????
(Fire rises into the sky proudly and suddenly out of nowhere the golden dildo appears)
(We gasp)
FIRE: The golden dildo...
(Rivers walks into our room)
RIVERS: Oh wee ooo golly you're finally awake
FIRE: What happened after I blacked out Kurt?
ME: Quellin kinda ran off and we haven't seen him since, maybe we should leave, I'm not sure it's safe here
RIVERS: NO don't leave you can't you got first class tickets for the JONATHAN DAVIS rollercoaster it's perfectly safe here
(Razz steps forward and puts their foot down)
RAZZ: We won't leave then, but if anything else happens we will
RIVERS: You guys are safe don't worry now let's go do something fun, hey! I heard there's a truck tour around the mountains in 2 hours
ME: Totally tubular, we can go get lunch first
(We strut down the halls in slow motion until we get to a water slide and hop down)
(It leads us to an outdoor plaza where we see a familiar face)
KELLIN *screeches*: HEY I heard what happened
FIRE: I'm aight I still got the dildo
KELLIN: I'm glad, I haven't heard from Quellin in a while though
RAZZ: I bet he's oaky, we're kinda scared of him
RIVERS: Anyways let's go get some grubs
(We leave Kellin and walk over to this tent thing out on the patio, there's a really short man with black hair and eyeliner)
BILLIE JOE ARMSTRONG: Hey motherfuckers welcome to the make your own mountain dew shack
(He plays a guitar riff)
RIVERS: This'll do
(We walk over to the line of colored bottles which all have different flavors, I grab a weezer blue and weezer green colored one, mix them and slurp it down)
ME: Mmm tastes like coochie
(Fire grabs red and yellow bottle, Razz grabs a purple and orange bottle, and Rivers gets a burgundy colored bottle)
(We walk to some benches on the patio and drink our scrumptious fluids)
ME: That was so bussin I'm gonna get another
(I walk over to the Mountain Dew Shack, something behind me catches my eye, a rustling, it's probably nothing)
(The short guy with the black hair looks at me and squints)
BILLIE: Hey aren't you fucking Kurt Cobain? The fucking lawyer guy always in those fucking advertisingments
ME: That's me
BILLIE: I knew I fucking recognized you somewhere
(Billie daps me up, and hands me a shining purple bottle)
BILLIE: This is an unreleased flavor that only a couple fucking people have had, it's called Lean
ME: Thank you so much Billie Joel
YOU ARE READING
The Pinkerton Hotel
HumorKurt Cobain and his friends Razz and Fire didn't expect their fun getaway at The Pinkerton Hotel would take a turn... for the worst.
