B-bakla..."
Gulat itong napatingin saakin at lumapit ito kaagad saakin at niyakap ako. I hug him back. Umiyak ako sa bisig niya halos hindi na ako maka hinga sa sobrang sikip ng puso ko. Sobrang sakit.
"Shhhhhh.."
Umiyak lang ako sa bisig, at si bakla naman ay niyakap ako ng mahigpit.
"Kamusta?" Tanong nito saakin pagkatapos kong umiyak.
"Umokay na ang pakiramdam ko. Salamat."
Ngumiti ako ng tipid at tinignan si bakla na tumayo at may kinuha sa kusina niya.
"Let's get drunk!"
Binuksan niya ang buti ng blue label. Umiling naman ako at napatawa ng konti. May videoki rin ang tv ni bakla kaya napag pasyahan namin na kumanta.
Nakita kong tumayo si bakla sa gilid ng mata ko ngunit hindi na ako nag tanong kung saan siya pumunta. Nag salin muna ako ng blue label sa baso bago nilagok ng deretso.
"Hey, Dad, look at me
Think back, and talk to me
Did I grow up according to plan?
And do you think I'm wasting my time
Doing things I wanna do?
But it hurts when you disapprove all along"
Mahapdi ang mga mata ko at naninikip ang puso ko sa unang lyrics na kinanta ko.
"And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
Can't pretend that I'm alright
And you can't change me"
Hindi ko na mapigilan ang mga luha ko at halos pahikbi na akong kumanta.
" 'Cause we lost it all
Nothin' lasts forever
I'm sorry I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late
And we can't go back
I'm sorry I can't be perfect"
I've tried my best. but hell yeah I'm not good enough.
"I try not to think
About the pain I feel inside
Did you know you used to be my hero?"
Humikbi ako at sumabay ito sa pagkanta ko.
"All the days you spent with me
Now seem so far away
And it feels like you don't care any more
And now I try hard to make it
I just wanna make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't stand another fight
And nothing's all right"
I tried hard to make it, I just wanna make you proud. Pero kahit anong gawin ko, never kayong maging proud saakin.
"'Cause we lost it all
And nothin' lasts forever
I'm sorry I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late
And we can't go back
I'm sorry I can't be perfect"
I've tried my best to be perfect daughter. but yeah I'm not good enough.
"Nothing's gonna change the things that you said
And nothing's gonna make this right again
Please don't turn your back
I can't believe it's hard just to talk to you
But you don't understand"
I make an effort not to think.
Concerning the pain I'm experiencing on the inside. Ang hirap nilang kausapin dahil hindi naman nila ako maintindihan. Ang unfair lang dahil pilit ko silang iniintindi pero ako? hindi man lang sinubukang intindihin.
"'Cause we lost it all
And nothin' lasts forever
I'm sorry I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late
And we can't go back
I'm sorry I can't be perfect"
Umiyak ako ng todo at halos ang iyak ko ang nangingibabaw sa microphone na nasa kamay ko.
"'Cause we lost it all
And nothin' lasts forever
I'm sorry I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late
And we can't go back
I'm sorry I can't be perfect"
Pagkatapos kong kumanta ay nilagok ko ang blue label, umikot ang paningin ko ngunit hindi pa naman ako lasing. Tipsy lang.
Tumayo naman ako at pumikit ng mariin dahil umikot na talaga ang paningin ko. Muntikan pa akong natumba at buti nalang may sumalo saakin.
"T-thanks bakla!" I chuckled.
"Vryll.." He appears tired.
Tumayo ako ng tuwid at tinulak siya ng mahina, "What are you doing here?" Hindi ko mapigilan ang pait sa boses ko.
Tumingin naman ako ng masama kay bakla na ngayon ay nag iwas ng tingin saakin, binalik ko ang mata ko kay Devfier na halatang pagod na pagod. Nag buntong hininga naman ako at pumikit ng mariin.
"Iwan mo muna kami saglit bakla, mag uusap lang kami ni Devfier."
Tumango naman ito sa sinabi ko at tinuro ang kwarto niya hudyat na pag kaylangan ko ng tulong ay andoon lang siya.
"Anong ginawa mo dito?" Tanong ko sakanya, nawala ata ang hilo ko.
"I'm sorry I didn't-" Hindi ko siya pinatapos at hinudyatan kong ayos lang at wag na siyang mag explain pa.
"It's okay, tapos na."
Maybe I lied when I said I was okay.
Lumapit ito saakin at niyakap ako ng mahigpit, hindi ko mapigilan ang puso kong tumibok ng mabilis ngunit hindi ito kagaya ng dati na masaya, pwedi pa lang tumibok ito ng mabilis ngunit masakit.
"Vryll.. Tumawag si Shayne saakin, nag pasama siya. Namatay ang lola niya. Hindi ko namang magawang tanggihan siya dahil alam kong sobrang mahal niya ang lola niya."
Humikbi ako sa sinabi niya. Naging selfish ba ako?
Selfish ba na hilingin na kahit isang pagkakataon ay piliin niya ako?
"Hindi ko namalayan ang oras. Naalala kita ngunit hindi na kita maabutan. Kaya pumunta ako sa bahay niyo.." he said, his voice hurting.
"Nakita kitang tumakbo palabas ng bahay niyo. You appear distressed and defeated. I can't even look at you. Because I am guilty. I understand, I'm one of the reasons you're in such pain." He said it sweetly pero rinig ko parin ang sakit sa boses nito.
"Hindi ko magawang lapitan ka, namalayan ko nalang sumakay kana ng taxi. I'm sorry V-vrylll."
"You promised me." Umiyak ako, at huminga ng malalim. "But I guess promises meant to be broken."
"I-I'm sorry, I'm sorry. S-sorry." Pumiyok ang boses nito. Nag iwas ako ng tingin dahil nasasaktan ako kung nakikita ko siyang nasasaktan.
"No. It's okay, you don't need to say sorry. Marami ng nangyari saatin dalawa. Sa nakalipas na buwan nating pagsasama ay hindi ako nagsisi. Hindi ako nagsisi na minahal kita. Maraming salamat D-devfier." Nanginginig ang mga boses ko habang binitiwan ko ang mga salitang 'yon. "Patawarin mo sana ako."
"N-no, please don't say that. Wag kang humingi ng tawad minahal mo ako. Ako dapat ang humingi ng tawad sayo dahil hindi ko magawang suklian ang pagmamahal mo. I'm sorry, I'm such a damaged person I never meant to hurt you. If it's any consolation I'm truly ashamed."
"Apology accepted." As I have forgiven you, and show you unconditional love.
"I guess it's over?" Ngumiti ito saakin.
Tumango ako, I smiled back.
Ito ang pinaka gusto ko ang ngumiti siya.
I hope we both heal and find peace on our own.
Love with suffering is the incorrect decision; love is free and should be expressed rather than held captive by misery. When the time comes, perhaps. I'm completely recovered and ready to speak with you.
YOU ARE READING
Pretending To Be His Girlfriend (UNDER EDITING)
Teen Fiction(COMPLETED) Xyril Vryll Diaz is tough on the outside but vulnerable on the inside. She can smile as if she isn't broken on the inside. Her family want for her to become a doctor, but her heart is to be a flight attendant. When he meets Devfier Faulk...
