The Forgotten Ones

Reminisce

Song: Young by Vallis Alps

Willa

Ethan and I finished our lunch and decided that he would walk me home. I still had a lot of endless questions running behind my head but I didn't want to continue to talk or think about Alexander. Despite not seeing him around, I still wonder about him. And I don't know if that is a good or bad thing. 

It was still midday and the sun was still beaming on us. I am happy that I decided to wear something short rather than anything stuffy. I can't say the same about Ethan though. He was wearing a knitted vest with a button-up shirt. He also has dress pants on with fancy shoes on. He just beamed with richness. I was only wearing a yellow sundress with sandals on. 

"Do you remember that one time, we went on that double date? You went out with that guy...I can't remember his name but he wore that awful t-shirt and those sandals?" I laughed, nodding at the memory. 

"Yeah, Katy thought that this guy was my type even though I would never in my life date a guy who thought that The Simpson is the greatest show ever and that global warming was just a myth. Where did Katy even find that guy anyway? And why the hell would she think that I would date someone like that?" 

Ethan was chuckling the whole time I was talking, almost laughing all the way. "Honestly, I don't know. She said she met him at this party but never mentioned why him. But she instantly regretted it and told me that she may have been drunk when she met him. Or high. I can't remember." 

I shook my head, still not being able to believe that I went on a double date with that guy. I never met or spoke with the guy ever again. I do wonder if he did manage to find someone though. It was such a long time ago though during high school. Such simple and fun times. 

"Do you talk to Katy? I remember how close you guys were. I still can't believe you guys broke up." Ethan glanced down at me but then kept his eyes forward. He cleared his throat and then sighed. 

"No, not really. We were close but things just changed. We both changed. But I hear she is doing fine now. Doing her own thing and everything." I nod but still felt a bit disappointed. I remembered how much he loved her and how much he would talk about even getting married to her. It's hard to believe that they broke up and that he doesn't even talk to her anymore. They just so close. I probably knew something about it in my forgotten years. I wish I could just remember so I didn't have to feel so lost. 

"Are you seeing anyone now? Or have you tried?" I ask, now curious about his love life. I have only ever seen him date about two people in his life. I wonder how his dating life is with such minimal experience. Ethan lets out a short laugh, looking at me now. "Well, that is an interesting question. But no, I am not seeing anyone. I am far too busy to really date anyone right now. Plus, I am sorta still hung over this one girl." 

My eyebrows rose. He's into someone? Who? This made me more curious. "Who is she? Why haven't you mentioned her? Do I know her? Does she work with you?" I just had so many questions and Ethan could sense my excitement as he laughed at it. It only made me slightly annoyed because he wasn't answering my questions. 

"Slow down, jeez. No, you don't know her. And no, I don't work with her. You also don't know her, really. But, I've known her for...a while. I don't really don't want to talk about it. It's really complicated right now. Plus, she's also going through some things right now also. Which is also complicated. So for right now, nothing is going to happen." 

I slumped my shoulders with disappointment. Ethan is a great friend and it would be nice to see him be with someone again. I can understand that he is busy though. It reminds me so much of Alexander. Of course, Alexander has to pop up in my mind. 

"Well, I would love to know more about her someday. You can't always keep her a secret from me. We have been friends for too long. I know practically everything about you." I say, a smile on my face as I pretend as if I wasn't thinking about another guy. Ethan looks down at me and then gently nudges me with his shoulder. 

"You wouldn't get jealous or anything? Katy once theorized that you wouldn't date anyone because you had a small crush on me. We both thought it was silly but sometimes, she would believe it because of how little you dated but how much you hung around." I let out a small gasp, looking at him with wide eyes, appalled that Katy would ever think I had a crush on him. 

I shook my head saying, "No. I never dated because I just didn't find anyone interesting enough to talk to or be with. I never had a crush on you. I adored what you and Katy had. I wanted what you guys had. But I never had a crush on you." I looked at him and for a moment, I saw a look of...disappointment? Sadness? 

It was gone instantly though, making me think it could've all been in my mind. 

For the rest of the walk, we continued talking about silly memories but the whole time, it sort of felt that Ethan subsided. I did most of the talking while he walked beside me. Soon enough we arrived at my house. He had little words to say as he bid me goodbye, reminding me to text him and not disappear again. I promised not to and then entered my house, waving goodbye at him one last time before shutting the door. 

It felt nice being able to see Ethan again after everything that has been going on. Still, I couldn't help but wonder what was on his mind after this sudden question about my feelings from my childhood. Ethan and I have always been friends, but that was just it. Just friends. I was happy for him when he got together with Katy. They seemed perfect for each other. I could never see him that way. I know things have changed now though. 

Ethan is single now and we are both adults. I think the only difference is that I don't know what my life was. I could probably have a secret lover out there that I don't know about or I could have had a relationship with a man named Jorge who traveled all of Europe only to stumble upon me one sunny day. I don't know. I just don't feel like I should be trying to date, especially in my state. 

Still, I couldn't stop thinking about him. Ethan has changed. He is a business owner who cares about small businesses. He makes me laugh and I can remember him. I know what our relationship has always been. I have just never thought of it becoming further than that. 

All of this thinking was making my head hurt.