The Forgotten Ones

Clueless

Song: Can't Pretend by Tom Odell

Ethan: 

There were so many thoughts running through my mind I couldn't focus on anything. Seeing Willa after the accident, I didn't realize how much the situation has changed. Finding out that she lost her memories, I didn't realize how much she forgot until she began to tell me everything she does remember. She can't remember Alexander. She doesn't even remember that we met each other before the fleamarket. She doesn't even remember the wedding. 

That night at the wedding, all I heard after the accident was that she was staying at the hospital with some head injuries. No one really talked to me about how bad her injuries were. Seeing her though and talking to her, everything has changed. She doesn't know what Alexander did to her or who he even is to her. But I have been getting to know her a lot more. She is just like that girl in high school except older and different. I was dating Katy in high school and part of college, and I didn't look at Willa in any way besides as friends. I was in love with Katy and we had a few amazing years together but everything all changed when we realized that we just weren't fitting in together. We started to have different views on life. I became invested into my business and she just wanted to be free to do whatever with her job. It was best that we broke up. 

Now seeing Willa though, I wish I hadn't dated Katy. Things never come easy though. Alexander is still in her life even if she doesn't remember him. Talking to him at his office scared me a lot. I didn't realize that how involved he was and how desperate he is to make Willa remember. I didn't want to tell him that I was already talking to Willa and getting a bit involved with her. He would kill me if he found out how close I have been getting with Willa. And with the company I am in, it would ruin the that work relationship. I just don't want to get on his bad side. And now, I have to help him get Willa to remember. I know I am being selfish but I don't want Willa to remember. That night at the wedding, seeing her cry because of him, it broke me. Alexander doesn't realize the damage he has done to her. She lost her kid because of him. He cheated on her and he just is magically expecting this as a do over with her. If she remembers, she won't just forgive him for everything he did to her. It was already hard enough that she had to go through the divorce and then the miscarriage and being independent on her own all because of him. 

He did a lot of damage to her. He broke her. And now she literally can't remember him and I think it's good she doesn't remember him. It's for the best. I will save her a whole lot of pain forgetting him than remembering all the damage he did to her. She just looked so broke, standing there at his rehearsal dinner, having to deal with him and everyone around her. She was married to the guy and now he just expecting her to just come back into her life. Seeing Willa now, she is doing okay. She is still confused about everything but she isn't crying her eyes out about a man that cheated on her and left her to dust. Every time I look at Willa, I see that same crying girl to me, confessing all of her secrets to me, that girl with so much pain. And even though I hate Alexander for what he did to her, I still have to help the guy. Just a little bit. I did tell him I would help him but I didn't say how much I would. 

Willa doesn't need to suffer again. She is back home and she is that same girl from high school who had so much joy. All she ever worried about was school and going to college. Now, she hasn't even passed college and wasn't able to get her dream job of teaching all of because of Alexander. He has ruined her and she doesn't even know it. Now, she is walking around with no clue of the child she never had and the broken marriage she had with him. I know her parents also hiding it from her by the way they look at her. At the dinner, she mentioned Alexander and it seems like her parents were scared of her mentioning his name. They have seen what he did to her. They know how much it will hurt her again if she remembers. 

She is stubborn and I know that she is curious about him. He has been around her and I know he has been trying to make her remember. It does anger me to know that he has been around her and making her try to remember. Doesn't he realize what will happen if she remembers? She will go back to hating him. She won't want to talk to him. And it's just worse that he is hiding it from her and leaving her clueless. 

Willa has no idea of the things that guy has done. It will just break her all over again. 

I can understand why she wants to know though. She can't remember a large chunk of her life and I would also try to search for all things I lost can't remember. She just doesn't realize all of the pain behind those forgotten memories. Alexander just needs to back off of Willa and let her remember she is ready. He can't force her to remember and expect anything different from her. She loved that man a lot and this accident has caused some damage but it is for the better. 

I just don't know how to approach her though every time I see her. To know the things I know and talk to her as if I don't know. It's hard to just act like nothing has happened between me and her. Like she didn't confess her life story to me. And I do feel guilty a bit to keep this secret from her. I am no different from Alexander. I am also keeping up this fake character for my own benefit. But just seeing her happy, it makes everything worth it. 

Because she doesn't know. 

Seeing her at her house and having dinner with her. It made me feel things I have never felt before. It made me feel closer to her. To see her smile and relax, it made me feel at ease. Unlike before, she was always stressed and sad. When I looked in her eyes, there was always this pain behind her eyes. Now, I see that old happy Willa. I just hope that Alexander doesn't screw everything up. Willa means a lot to me. And I won't let him hurt her again like he has done before. Many things are unknown right now and it's just important to take things slow with Willa for now. I just don't know if I should tell her or her parents that I am on speaking terms with Alexander. They trust me enough to be around Willa because she knows me from before but even still, they don't appreciate Alexander being around. And it's a big deal that I am talking to him because they may not trust me being around Willa if they do find out. 

I didn't expect to be thrown into this type of situation. Especially with one that involves Alexander. After he and his ex-fiancé called off their wedding, things have become crazy because in our business, our personal life does become a large part of our work. And calling off that wedding, it can show his partners that he may not commit to things or that he won't always be reliable, which can cause his partners to pull out. It's just good that he has enough partners to keep him afloat. I just think he needs to be careful when it comes to being around Willa. He is big in the business world and people will always be watching him. 

Willa was lucky enough to be avoided by his business life before but if he continues to go after Willa, his business will get involved and things can get out of hand. I just want to protect Willa from all of these things. He already left her once. I just don't understand why he won't stay out of her life. The damage has already been done. There is nothing else for him to do. There is just a lot of stress revolved around this whole situation. I just don't know what to do. 

Sorry it is a short chapter. I didn't have a lot of things for Ethan though. Also, updates will be slow. I unfortunaly had to put a pause on my education which has caused my motivation to go down. I hope you guys understand. I am trying my best though. I do hope you guys like this chapter though.