You ready for that beer?

After the explosion

When Chris becomes limp in my arms, a sudden, overwhelming fear hits me. But I take a deep breath and tell myself how stupid that is. I can hear her breathing, quietly, and feel her pulse, much stronger. And still, there in my arms, she looks so small and vulnerable ...

That changes within a second. Chris openes her eyes, which find my own right away. He imagine her saying Thank you, at least, or maybe even You saved me, I love you so much, which is more of a wild fantasy, spinning in my head more and more often lately. (Weird, how someone gets suddenly more interesting when you find out you can't have them).

But, instead, she says: "I'm gonna kill you."

That's not too nice, considering I just saved her from crashing to the ground. But, come to think about it, I shouldn't have expected any differently. With Chris you never know.

Groaning, she pulls herself out of my arms now until she is standing. Shaking, unsure, but standing. I don't say anything because I know she would make her threat real, but I don't move away, either. After one moment of hesitating, Chris puts her hand on my shoulder, closing her eyes, taking a deep breath.

"I just need a second", she says.

I give her a worried look. "We don't have a second", I tell her. "In case you haven't noticed, house's about to blow up."

She looks at me and I can imagine her vividly saying something like: Wow, you're so funny, in that casual-sarcastic tone she always puts on. But know there's really no time for joking around. Because I know I'm deader than dead if I try to carry her out of the house, I just leave her my shoulder to lean against. It's hard to imagine what kind of pain she must be going through because she doesn't say a word as we limp through the door together, as we leave the heat and the fire behind and step out into the cool night. It's a great relieve, although peaceful is not the word to describe the situation. There is police and ambulance everywhere, and our colleagues from the fire department have the hut cordoned off, working on putting out the fire. It's a huge chaos, the air full of siren, screams and smoke.

"We gotta get you to an A/R", I try to convince Chris, who seems already half unconscious from the pain.

"No, we don't", she says, just as espected. "I just need to sit down for a moment."

"Yeah, because that will cure a broken leg."

"I'm sure it's not broken. It's just a scratch."

I look at her leg, the blood, the twist right beyond the knee, and then up to her face again. "Yep. Just a scratch."

She laughs, but it's more of a groan, really, and so desperate and full of pain I can't listen to it anymore.

"We're getting you an A/R.", I decide, just like that, and she doesn't protest anymore. "You just sit down and don't move."

"Very funny", she tells me, and I love her look as she says that, exactly in that casually sarcastic tune I pictured earlier.

Wait a second. I did not just speak of love, did I? A little embarassed, I force myself to forget that thought immediatly.

"Hey, I need a medic over here!", I call out, reaching the ambulance. "Serious leg injury with possible broken bone. Low blood pressure, too. Been unconscious for a few seconds."

"On my way, officer"

As I return with a young woman, I'm relieved to see the others are with Chris now. They've already stabilized her leg and given her something to drink and she looks a lot better to me now. More alive. And she's not that pale anymore. Right now, she even laughs at one of Luca's jokes and seems perfectly fine in the meantime. How dramatic of me to be fearing for her life, even if it was only for a second. Why do I care so much?

"We're gonna have to take you to the hospital", says the paramedic and I see the others exchanging meaningful looks. The worst one though is the expression on Chris' face. She manages to get it under control immediatly, but she can't hide her fear from me.

"How bad is it?", Luca says out loud what everybody's thinking.

"Can't say yet" The young woman rises, waving for her workmates to order a stretcher. "It's definetly broken, maybe more than once. It's possible we have to get you into surgery."

Chris' face is stone still.

"Hey, it'll be allright", I try to cheer her up, and the others join in. "You'll be back on your feet before you know it!"

I'm not sure she is even listening.

At the question who will be driving with her, I want to volunteer, but I struggle with whether she would want me to. So I let the moment pass until Hondo declares he will go with her, as our team leader.

As we drive back with the Black Betty, it feels so silent and empty without Hondo and Chris. Nobody's talking much, let alone the laughter and cheering that usually follows a successful mission. I think back of the negotiating Chris did with Alice Becker. One of the best I ever heard, and she isn't even trained. I gotta say it really touched me, especially when she talked about her mom. I had no idea.

"Boy, I just hope she's back on her feet soon", Tan breaks the silence, finally. "Imagine this is a bigger injury. Wouldn't be the same without her."

It wouldn't. And not because then, I wouldn't have someone to hit one (or at least not entirely).

No, she just belongs here. That's something I finally realize. S.W.A.T. is like a huge family.

"Let's go visit her as soon she's out of surgery", Deacon drops in. "Who's coming?"

We all are, of course.

Maybe I'm the only one that realizes she will miss her date tonight.