You ready for that beer?

Being brave

To be honest, I want to keep this to me for a moment, lit it all sink in; the message and the golden, overwhelming feeling that spreads inside my body and makes me jump up because I don't know what to do with this energy inside me. I could do anything now. I would sprint to the hospital they took Street to and sprint further to that Mexican fisher that saved him to say thank you and I swear, I wouldn't get tired.

Then again, I can't really believe it. There are horrible moments when I fear this is all a dream and when I wake up, he will be dead again, I lost him again. Which makes me realize that I just can't handle that. I need him by my side. Forever.

The thought makes me feel dizzy, the possibilities in it. There's also a lot of doubts, fear and reserve. But I'll figure it out, we will figure it all out, together. Relationships inside a team are not allowed, but that's not important know. Nothing is important now except that Street is alive.

I won't be afraid anymore, afraid of commitment, of my own feelings. I can't afford that anymore, I guess, Street's almost-death has taught me a lesson. Life is to short to push away the ones you love. Life is to short to overthink.

It'll be allright.

Then, the others come to my mind and I feel bad the next second. They are in grief, crying, alone, horribly depressed - and I sit here, reveling in his survival and only thinking about myself.

My fingers tremble so hard when I pull my phone, it takes me all three attempts to unlock it and a couple more to dial the right number.

"Hondo!" I literally scream into the phone, I can't help it. "Hondo, he lives!"

Silence.

I'm to excited to explain it the right way, but at least I try. "This hospital lady called me, they found him, a fisher fished him out of the sea at this Mexican heaven, he's injured, I don't know, but he's fucking alive."

Silence again. Just as I wonder if he even heard me, Hondo says: "Oh"

I've got nothing to add.

✴✴✴

I don't regret telling the others because their joy and relief and how they faces lit up was everything. But ... I do wish to visit Street alone, so it's just the two of us. There's so much we have to say to each other and I don't know where to start. It would help a lot if the guys weren't there.

When they immediatly agree on a short-notice visit, for a single second I flirt with the idea of not going. But that's bullshit. I can't not see him for any time longer or I'll go mad. I wanna be with him, right now. Doesn't mean that I'm not scared, though, because I am. Funny how I'm a cop and so brave and badass in shooting at bad guys or jumping off a roof, but when it comes to relationships, I'm the biggest coward on this planet.

Well, I want to change that. Still, I'm so nervous about meeting Street that I almost don't go.

Of course the guys wouldn't let me stay here, so I hug them and shed a few tears of joy with them and then, hop with them into Luca's old car. For a moment, I can't even remember the hospital's name anymore because I was so paralyzed during that call most of my brain cells still don't function, but then I do and we're on our way. As the others laugh and talk more then usual, I remain silent and stare out of the window, thinking. At some point, I catch Deacon saying something about Street's condition and health and suddenly, I worry about completely other things. Will he even get back on his feet? The nurse promised full recovery, but how did it affect his brain being underwater and without oxygen for who-knows-how-long? Also, she didn't say anything about his condition. What if he's in a coma or something? Did she say he was conscious? I don't remember ...