You ready for that beer?

The policy problem

I'm a horrible, horrible person.

Street had a hell of a day, where he almost died plenty of times, and the first thing I do is to reject him, again. Even without an explanation.

I panicked. God, how I panicked in that moment. Partly because of my usual anxieties when it come to love, partly because it's wrong.

Now that I'm at home, alone, I got plenty of time to think. It turns out I don't need more than a minute. Me being anxious is not going to change and the policies are definitly not, but I begin to realize that's all. Before, I was afraid what the other cops would think if I started dating my male teammate and it always cleared my mind. But, to be honest, why should I care about their opinions? Shouldn't true love stand above this kind of stuff? I don't know if what Street and I have is true love, but I would be willing to risk it, and to be honest, I already know it.

Or not, I mean, we never even really kissed. But how am I gonna find out if I always run away?

Now that I come to think of it, the other cops wouldn't be a problem anyway. They accepted me a long time ago. I can't remember a single stupid comment or look, not after they realized I may be a woman, but that doesn't make me any better or worse of a cop. They wouldn't mind if I dated Street, I'm pretty sure. It's not like he's in command, that would be a different thing, but we're the same rank and everybody knows how great we are getting along. That we're best friends.

So, I think, the only thing really standing in our way are the policies.

But they're never going to change, are they?

✴✴✴

Carefully, I open the door to the front door although I know Street can't be at S.W.A.T. today. As far as I know, he hasn't been released yet, and it should take him a couple of weeks to be back on duty.

I wanted to talk to him yesterday, but I couldn't find the words, so I left it to that. It was too late to visit him, anyway (stupid hospital schedules) and I didn't want to do this over phone. Of course he is not here today, but after my shift, maybe ...

"Officer Alonso? Can I talk to you for a second?"

Hicks' voice pulls me back into reality and I narrow my eyes, spotting him at the door to his office. What's the matter? I haven't done anything wrong, have I? Oh god, maybe it's about that undercover mission and how I failed, letting Street almost die. I mean, the smugglers were caught and that's something, but losing an officer, that's simply a mistake. And we are trained to not make any mistakes.

"Yes ...?", I respond carefully.

Hicks laughs. "Look at you. Don't worry, it's nothing wrong - the opposite actually, I've got good news. For you. For all S.W.A.T., but especially for you. Come on, the others are already waiting for the announcement in HQ."

Following him, I try hard to think of any good news for us that would apply to me especially. Maybe it's about equality and women on S.W.A.T.? But then he would have mentioned Jessica, too, right?

Then we're in HQ, where the whole department seems to have gathered. Without Street, of course. Still, I catch myself looking for him in the crowd.

"So ... listen up!", Hicks hushes until the conversations fade and everybody is listening. I'm surprised to see him struggling for words as he actually blushes a little bit. "Let's cut it straight to the point. Recently, I got a lot of complaints about specific parts in the policy. Er, the relationship-inside-a-team part. So, I talked to the supervisors, pulled some strings, discussed this theme a lot, and ... well, in the end we all agreed to update this paragraph. Everyone who wants to date someone in their own team can now fill out a request which takes both signatures and, in addition, the signatures of all team members, including the team leader. If you got all that, you can officially date each other."

The following cheers and whistles almost make me go deaf, but I'm too surprised to break out into joy. Did this really just happen? Do I really only need our team's signatures and then Street and I can be officially together?

It's too good to be true. But I heard Hicks saying it, there's no doubt. I only need to get the others to sign which will request an embarassing talk before, but we'll handle that, and then ... there's nothing standing in the way of Street and me anymore.

I'm so happy, I can't help but break out into a wide smile.

Then I see Street.

He's leaning against the locker room's door, watching the excitement of all of us. In addition to his rucksack he's wearing every-day-clothes, jeans and a t-shirt, only the sling for his arm and the bandage around his shoulder still remind of his near-death-experiment. As he catches my gaze, everything inside me freezes.

This is it. Now I have to talk to him.

Slowly, I free myself from the crowd and make my way towards him. He doesn't look away and neither do I. Then we're standing next to each other and there's so much I want to say.

"Come on in", Street says lowly and pulls the door open. The locker room is empty, of course, everybody is still in HQ, partying. It's just the two of us.

I'm not gonna run away this time.

"Look, Street, I have to talk to you", I start, looking him straight in the eye and swearing not to stop until I'm done. I will kill him if he interrupts me.

"I'm so sorry. For the way I acted yesterday, for everything, to be honest. I was just afraid, of, of my own feelings, of us, of what the others might think ... but I'm not anymore! I know it's much to ask, but, if you want to, maybe, we can fill out these forms. No, not maybe. I want to. It's the only thing I ever really wanted, to be with you. When we thought you were dead, it ... it killed me. I can't lose you. Because", I take a deep breath. "Because I love you, too."

The following silence is so heavy you can almost hear it.

Street clears his throat. His voice is hoarse even though.

"I already filled out the request", he says. "The only signature missing is yours."

Technically, it's still against the policies because without my signature the request isn't complete yet. But I don't care. God, I so don't care. I've waited too long for this and waisted too much precious time on thinking and worrying and following the rules. There's only one think I want right now.

One long step and I'm there, only centimeters between us. He swallows hard.

"You know. technically ...", he says, though, breaking into his mischievous smile.

"Shut up", I mutter, leaning closer. "Just shut up."

When our lips touch, a shudder runs down my back and my heart tightens for there is too much love inside me. And the last thought before my brain cells say goodbye to go on a long vacation is, how I could ever think that this was a mistake.