You ready for that beer?

Undercover

I still don't know what to say when I see Chris, let alone spending a whole week with her, pretending we're a drug dealer couple.

And that on a romantic cruise ship.

When we meet in civvies outside of S.W.A.T. to make contact to our new partners-in-crime, Chris is wearing a light summer dress combined with worn-out sneakers and looks absolutely stunning. She arrives and the whole world seems to light up. It feels like there's something melting in my chest, probably my heart.

I have to force myself to look away and can't help but thinking that I'm obviously not as done with her as I want to be. But pretty quickly this thought gets overthought by Oh my god, I can't, she is so beautiful and I love her so much.

Out loud, I say with a mockingly smirk: "Sharp dress, Chris"

She doesn't turn a hair. "And I didn't know you could wear a hawaiian shirt. Which you can't."

My smirk gets wider. "Hey, watch your tone, darling, you're supposed to be my cute, innocent girlfriend."

"Happy to" Chris raises her eyebrow. "But let's save our Bonnie-and-Clyde-performance for inside, will we?"

Have I mentioned how completely, undeniably, wanna-slit-my-own-throat in love I am with her?

Because I am. And that's why I'm not dating Emilia, although that's what Chris thinks. And that's good. Because she has to know I moved on, even if I didn't. Even if I still think about her every second of every day, even if I had to tell Emilia I couldn't be with her because I'm in love with someone else. Turned out for good, though, because she was not at all pissed but so supportive and now we are actually something like friends. And we text and talk all the time, mostly about Chris, and she tries to convince me that I have to talk with her, tell her how I feel. But what for? She obviously doesn't feel the same way for she gave me the cold shoulder weeks after that kiss. I still can't believe it didn't mean as much to her as it did to me, but I have to accept that.

Oh man, will I ever get over her? Because right now it feels like I couldn't, ever. I just love her so much.

It's more than just her looks, though ... which, to be honest, I never noticed until today. I miss fooling around with her. Being around Chris is so easy, or was, 'cause the last weeks it felt like we didn't know each other anymore. Today, I can sense this amazing connection between us again - which is there, no matter what Chris says. Or it is for a second. Then we look at each other and probably think the same, which is how Bonnie and Clyde were lovers and so are we in our undercover mission, and before I know it she has turned on her pokerface again.

Inside, I sigh.

While waiting for Captain Cortez' call, an uncomfortable silence begins to grow between us. Every second of this hurts because it reminds me of how this is the rule now and moments like before an exception.

When I can't hold it anymore, I ask: "So, how did the PFQ go, anyway?"

She seems relieved I finally break the silence, so relieved she lets out a warm laugh. "Good, obviously, or I wouldn't be here. No problem, well, most of it. To be honest though, I almost didn't manage the running part, rest was a piece of cake."

I chuckle. "Anyway, good to have you back in the field again."

She nods. Nothing to add anymore. Fortunately, our phones pling with the long-expected message.

We look at each other, now grim-faced, aware of the danger waiting for us.

Chris turns first. "Let's move then, Hawaiian boy."