You ready for that beer?

Snuggling before Smuggling

At dead of night, the air up here has cooled down and coming from the sea there's a fresh breeze, not to say freezing. But that's not what wakes me up, it's rather that it lets me feel Chris' warmth so much more.

When the night turned colder, she must have unconsciously moved closer because now we kind of have a cuddling situation going on here. What does that say about her? I don't know. I don't know anything anymore, except that strains of her hair tickle my cheek and her warm breath mixes with mine, first in time with my heartbeat, until it fastens, until it's so loud it's the only thing I hear.

My hand is shaking a little bit and I don't have to open me eyes to know it's laying right next to hers. Slowly, I move it, not even knowing what I'm doing. As I touch her hand, I wish I had the courage to hold it. But I don't wanna bring her in an uncomfortable situatuon when she wakes up.

I have to think about yesterday (or still today?) when we had this moment and Chris totally freaked out, well, for her means. It's not on me to read something into that, but ... what if that kiss weeks ago wasn't as much on alcohol as she wants it to? When we climbed up here, she certainly was a hundred percent sober.

I wish I could ask the others, Tan or Luca for example, but the only one that knows about my feelings for Chris is Emilia. And it should stay this way. Over my dead body I'm gonna tell my teammates, for they are such relationship experts themselves.

Well, Deacon certainly is and I should probably take a page out of his book, but his advice would be all like: Dude, it's wrong, you can't, respect her and back off if she doesn't show you any signs, and pray to god your feelings will go away soon.

The thing is though, Chris never shows any signs. She wouldn't show me any signs either when I would be on another team, she knew I loved her and on top of everything she loved me, too. She's so complicated. That's what I love her for, of course. But you can't say it's easy.

Rhapsodising about Emilia in her present was not the best way of handeling that, of course, and it still isn't, but .. what other choice do I have if I wanna know what she truly feels?

I'm such a horrible person.

Should I tell her the truth about Emilia? Is it worth it? What are my chances?

Maybe, maybe I will work things out with her when she wakes up. So we both are on the same page and can focus on our mission.

Then, the alarm clock on my phone shrills and this half-hearted decision vanishes out of my head, being replaced by a dozen of other thoughts. Partly about the cruise ship and the smuggling we'll have to do starting today. Mostly about Chris, who groans sleepily and rolls to her other side - right into my arms.

Realizing that, she jumps up like a panicking chicken. "Oh, sorry", she stammers and immediatly changes the subject. "Well, you ready to do some smuggling?"

I laugh. "For a second I thought you said 'snuggling'"

She bites her lip, giving me one of her cute Seriously?-looks. "And I actually thought you grew up, but obviously you stopped with that at the age of three."

It makes me grin. "And a good morning to you too."

Not to be late, we hurry packing our stuff and then jump into the car for the short ride to the harbour. Only as we step out to the sunny quay and gotta concentrate all on not getting pooped on by sea gulls, I realize now it's to late to talk to her about as banal stuff as love.

From the moment we enter that cruise ship, we'll be in danger of way more threatening ammunition than sea gull poop.