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Piece of advice

I will never understand Chris.

I'm not gonna lie, for a second, I actually thought she wanted to kiss me back. Then she ran. What is so complicated in kissing someone? Well, our relationship would be against the rules, but these rules are stupid anyway.

Can you love and hate someone at the same time? Maybe my feelings are just a complete mess. When I thought I got through to Chris, she blocked me again, and she never really talks.

Angrily, I kick the door to go back inside. One one hand, there's nothing I'd rather do than finally talking this out with her. But I'm exhausted by always making the first step. If even me almost dying doesn't bring her to open up, then I can't help her.

In the corridor, in front of my room, I spot Emilia.

"Where's Chris?", she asks right away.

I sigh and then try to act casual. "She had to go already."

Emilia scrutinizes me critically. Her eyes are so narrowed and bright it's like they shoot lightings at me.

"Come on, real talk now", she says, stepping towards me. Side by side, we walk down the corridor.

"Well, I ... I don't know what's up with her!", I talk real. "I mean, for one second she's about to kiss me, and the next second she runs away."

Emilia's eyebrows shoot up. "Really? You were about to kiss?"

Starting with the letter, I tell her everything that happened between us. She already knows about our kiss at Luca's party and anything else. Emilia is such a good listener which makes her the perfect friend, although we mostly talk about relationships and stuff. Which is the only topic I can't cut on with my best friend in the world because I'm in love with her.

"Look, Street, I know you're basically blind at this and too proud to ask, so I'm gonna say it to your like this: It's not hard to see she loves you, too."

I feel cold and hot at the same time and don't have a clue why. "Really?"

"Yes", Emilia says gently. "But look, I don't know her and I can only guess. She's more of a reserved person, right? Especially with love?"

I nod, chuckling. That fits perfectly.

"Yeah, so that doesn't make it easy for her, for a start. You also said she's very righteous?"

I nod again.

Emilia looks satisfied. "You see. But that's not all."

"No?"

"Well, I'm not a cop, so correct me if I'm wrong, but ... she's the only woman in your team, right? Almost in the whole LA.PD? If I'd be in her shoes, I would never start a relationship with another cop. You don't see this because you're not a woman, but I believe I know what I'm talking about as a female engineer. It's not easy to make it in these jobs as a woman and it's even harder to keep them because you can't allow a single mistake. What would the others say if you, I don't know, missed a target at a mission?"

I think for a second. "Probably that I shouldn't worry about it. Everyone can have a bad day. But they would tell Chris the same thing!"

"Hondo and the others, yeah", Emilia admids. "But the rest of the police department and the world? She wouldn't have made that mistake due to a bad day, but because she's a woman. That's just the way it is, Street. And for her, such a relationship is a much bigger risk than for you. If you ever want to be with her, you have to understand that."

"Thanks, Emilia. A lot."

After saying goodbye to her, I take my time, letting that sink in. Emilia is probably right. Sometimes we all forget Chris is a lady cop, which is good, of course, but that doesn't mean the others treat her just as well.

I suppose it is a bigger deal for her then me, breaking those rules, in any means.

The question now is: How do we fix that policy problem, so Chris and I can be together?

And is it even done with that? Or does the problem go deeper than one little paragraph? That's what Emilia implied and probably Chris thinks so too.

Is there any chance at all for us being together, ever?

There is. I believe that. And I will fight for us.

I even have an idea, how.