I want
I want to
climb more mountains in the winter with big heavy jackets
watch more sunsets with a cup of coffee and a blanket
sit in a field of deer and name them
blow on dandelions to make wishes
and stargaze while falling asleep in soft grass
I want to
eat more fruit, decorating my stomach with nutrition
play in puddles in the light of a street lamp
not be triggered by a song or a smell because of my abusive ex
be able to walk around shirtless on the beach when the sun is setting
and wake up early in cabin with my significant other when its cold
I want to
drive to the top of hill to scream like they do in movies
have old school picnics with a cute quilt
swim in really pretty water
wear corsets, big puffy ball gowns while I eat chocolate
or a wear a tux while I escort people into the room
having people swoon when I smile
and not be have to feel like I'm playing dress up with a women's body; one that is not mine
I want to
drink hot chocolate with marshmallows by a fire while my kids dance around and giggle
not wake up thinking about killing myself
drive up a curvy mountain with my hand out the window
go on hikes with my dog
and swim in waterfalls during summer
I want to
wear makeup and not look so feminine
to enjoy the way sun touches my body during the afternoon
travel to places where I can't pronounce the names of the food I order
smile and actually mean it
and I want to
to experience
to enjoy
to live a life I can romanticize
because just surviving
off back to back paychecks
anxiety attacks in the middle of the night
eyebags that I cover up each morning
scars I have to see when I dress
a body i dont recognize in the mirror
food I struggle to eat
college, a future, that I can't pay for
the feeling in the pit of my stomach when I catch myself having fun
knowing I can't have kids because I'm unhealthy
a toxic love for alcohol, especially whiskey
the weight I carry as the oldest sibling
the burden of knowledge, of secrets I must keep
Just repeating the same cold days over and over again
and endless cycle
It's all so grey
I want
I want to live
-r.b
YOU ARE READING
Morning whispers
Poetrythe second adoxography. (Midnight wonders pt.2) I write to take the hurt off my heart, even if it's for a split second When the pen hits the paper, I have something to share the pain with I write to feel alive So that I can say what I want withou...
