LIVE IN YOUR LIGHT | anakin skywalker x fem oc

23.

When we arrived, I went straight to the balcony. The sun was still high in the sky. I needed to be alone and calm my nerves. I don't even understand myself, why am I acting like this? What do I care if Padme and Anakin flirt with each other? It's none of my business and I'm not involved. So why does it hurt me so much?

I suddenly hear Anakin coming up behind me. I sigh quietly before resting my elbows on the edge of the balcony, keeping my eyes on the horizon. Anakin speaks up.

"Are you going to tell me what's making you so annoyed, or are you going to stay quiet for much longer?"

I lower my eyes to the void, then decide to answer Anakin.

"I don't know. You should go to your sweet Padme and ask her."

I look up to the sky before pulling away from the edge of the balcony, I let my arms down my body before getting ready to leave, I immediately feel Anakin's hand grab mine, catching me in my tracks. His touch makes me shiver, he manages to keep that hold on me even when I'm pissed off at him.

"No, I only want you."

I slowly turn around looking at my hand in Anakin's. And here he was playing me only to get me back and for me to forgive him. I'm sure he doesn't even mean what he's saying, he's only saying it in a tongue-in-cheek way. I look up at Anakin.

"You're crazy."

I take hold of his grip, pulling my hand back from his. Anakin sighs before stepping closer to me, he rests his elbow against the edge of the balcony before speaking up.

"You're probably right. I'm crazy over you."

I frown before stifling a laugh, looking annoyed. I wasn't even taking him seriously. I ink my gaze in his. Our faces were close.

"Stop playing with me like that.

- I'm not playing with you." He said with a more serious look.

I suddenly see sincerity in his eyes. But a part of me didn't want to believe it. He can't love me, it's impossible. But I suddenly realize that I was just trying to reassure myself and that Anakin was sincere. So I looked down before stepping back, pushing Anakin slightly.

"Anakin, no. Stop, we can't."

He steps forward anyway, I look up at him while shaking my head from side to side not wanting to believe it.

"Oriana please tell me I'm not the only one who feel this way... You know there's something between us. I don't care about Padme, I only have eyes for you!

- No, Anakin. That's enough."

I pull back again, lowering my eyes, not wanting to believe it. My heart was breaking, I should be happy that he admitted his feelings to me, but I was broken, because we couldn't.

"Look me in the eye and tell me you don't love me and that it was all just an illusion."

Anakin gently takes my face in his hands, lifting my head to him, making his eyes meet mine. I look at him for a few moments, reading his emotions in his head, I had told him I wouldn't go into it again, but I felt compelled to do so now.

And all I could see was sincerity.

"It was all an illusion Anakin."

It probably wasn't. Maybe I loved him too, but so many things made it impossible. He breaks down, I feel his hands gently remove themselves from my cheeks, he steps back looking at the ground, I then speak up.

"Anakin, you are a jedi. You took an oath, you have duties and responsibilities. You are destined to be one of the best. You don't want to screw that up for me.

- Trust me, you really don't know what I want Oriana." He said as he raised his gaze to me.

My heart was broken. I feel lost. I don't even know what to say to him anymore.

"Anakin, you trained for 10 years for this... 10 years wasted in a few seconds?"

He runs his tongue over his lips before turning to the horizon. He sighs and turns to me.

"If I'd never been a Jedi, could this have worked?

- No, we've been over this. I told you I don't want to fall in love. I don't want to Anakin."

He bows his head, nodding. I see him thinking for a few seconds. I think half the things I told him I felt were wrong. Or unsure. I don't know what I feel, how am I supposed to know if it's love? Anakin raises his head to me, then speaks up.

"If you ever choose to fall in love, please fall in love with me."

I look at him surprised, my heart starting to race. I feel that familiar sensation in my lower belly. Anakin turns his back to me before leaving, I see him take the elevator, leaving me alone.

I turn toward the balcony, putting my elbows back on the edge. What the hell just happened? I put my head down, running my fingernail through my teeth, thinking the rest of the day.

✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧

I couldn't sleep. I didn't do much all day. I locked myself in my room and read. I didn't go out because I didn't want to run into him. I wanted to be alone, and Anakin was the last person I wanted to see.

I questioned myself, I thought about what happened. Anakin's words kept running through my head. I want to tell him that I love him too, but how can I be sure? And even if I wanted to tell him, I couldn't.

So many things make it impossible. He's a Jedi and it's forbidden. I don't want him to give all that up for me, it wasn't worth it. I want the best for him, and betraying the jedi order was definitely not the right thing to do.

And what would people think? A senator and princess in a relationship with a jedi. We would be forced to live a lie. I'll ask Padme for advice tomorrow afternoon. I just need some sleep. I raise my hand to the ceiling before turning off the light with a wave of my hand.

I slip into my sheets and try to fall asleep.