LIVE IN YOUR LIGHT | anakin skywalker x fem oc

39.

I was in my room, on my bed, cuddling with Anakin. I was enjoying these last moments with him before our paths separate for a little while. Because once I will be officially Queen of Naboo, I will almost never be able to find some free times. And Anakin has duties too, and he will not have to protect me for eternity, although I would love it.

"I can not believe she is gone... I say drawing Ani's attention on me.

- Me as well." Anakin simply says.

I know he is very hurt too. He just does not show it. He stays strong for me, because if I notice how Padme's death impacts him too, I will be even more sad than I already am. And everytime I talk about Padme, this wave of culpability takes control of my whole body. And it is so hurtful.

"I should have been there." I say as I feel a knot in my throat.

Anakin immediately plunge his gaze in mine. I know damn well he does not like when I say things like this. When I feel guilty.

"I should have been there to save her. It was my only and single duty. It was all I had to do and I still failed." I say as I feel tears rolling down my cheeks.

My parents always used to tell me that this is just a bad phase. I will recover from it. I will heal. But this. No. I will never recover from this. Every time I'll think of her, every time I will picture her smile, her hair, her eyes, her philosophic words. Her wisdom.

And when I will think of all of this I will cry, sob. Tears and tears. I do not know how I will survive this. I guess life will just go on, but it'll never be the same anymore. I had one mission. One. Fucking. Mission. Duty. And all I succeeded to do was to fail.

Anakin cups my face in his hands and dry my tears with his fingers.

"What? No. Do not say that. You have been removed from your mission, from your duty. It is not your fault please do not say this." He says.

But I can not stop myself from thinking this of me. Because this is the truth. And a truth has never been more truthful.

"We will go through this love. Together." He says trying to keep his voice from cracking.

But I can read his pain in his almond eyes. And he can tell me all the most beautiful and the most reassuring words in this galaxy, I will never believe them. I do not want to believe in anything anymore. I do not want to believe in myself ever again. I am such a coward.

A fucking coward.

———

The dressmaker came to the palace today. To take my measurements so the dress for the crowning will perfectly fit me. And I can not believe people are already celebrating their new Queen. "May the Queen rest in peace, long live the new Queen."

I do not know if they are celebrating my sister's death or my crowning. Probably both. And I hate them for this. They are making this moment a joyful and beautiful era. And it shouldn't be. We should be mourning my sister. And all the news cares about is a witch taking power over Naboo. They should pay tribute to my sister.

The dressmaker was taking my waist measurement with his tape measure. Every time the cold tape collided with my skin, it made me shiver. My mother asked for a red and gold dress. And the dressmaker had to make it before tomorrow morning. I look through the mirror and meet Ani's gaze. He was sitting just behind me, observing my body getting measured.

"Are we almost done? I ask to the dressmaker.

- Almost my Queen. I just need the arms." He says as he stands up.

He takes my arms' measurements, note them on a piece of paper. He thanks me, and I thank him back. I allow him to go as I put my gown back on. I turn to Anakin and walk over him. I sit on the couch, next to him and lay my head on his shoulder as I look at ourselves on the mirror in front of us.

Anakin flips his hand on my thighs and caresses it. He turns his head to me and rests his look on my face, then speak up.

"I will have to leave you for a few months after your crowning." He suddenly says.

I frown as I look up at him, meeting his gaze. He is leaving me? During this tough time?

"Really? Why?

- Master Windu ordered it to me yesterday during the funerals. The chancellor has been kidnapped by a General Grievous." He says.

I look down in disappointment. But I should not be disappointed or mad at Anakin. It was his mission to fulfill. He is a jedi. I look up at him again and whisper.

"For how long?

- Not more than two months." He says.

I nod positively as I blink a several times. Two months should not be very long. The chancellor is in danger, and although I do not really like him, I still hope he will be okay.

"I love you." I say suddenly.

Anakin get caught off guard. But it does not unplease him. He smiles as he slips his right hand on my hair and tuck a lock behind my ear. He inks his gaze in mine, I feel a hundreds of butterfly flying in my lower stomach as if my belly was a colourful garden smelling like fresh flowers butterflies lays on.

'I love you' is three words, eight letters, three syllabes. And these three words, eight letters and three syllabes means so much when it comes from the heart. It is just words coming from a mouth in a breath, but it is so much more powerful than just this.

It is a reminder, words of truth. It reminds the people you care about the most that you love them. My lashes flaps like butterflies. Like the butterflies I feel in my belly. Anakin approaches his face to mine, I can feel his breathe caressing my cheeks like a winter breeze.

"I love you too. I love you so much Oriana."