Our Deadly Sins

Ch 11

I sighed and laid my head in my hands. Sav had been gone for about half an hour and my head pounded with thoughts. I closed my eyes and sunk into the cushions, wishing I could disappear. I feel worse now. Shouldn't I feel better? Everything is out in the open and I don't have to hide from it anymore, I should feel relived, but instead I feel so empty. I feel like a monster.

My hands balled into fists and I groaned, tears slipping out again as they had done countless times. The silence was too much to bare but I couldn't bring myself to move. My body was so heavy and I felt like someone had me balancing a bowling ball on my back. I sighed, looking down at my hands, clenching and unclenching them. A monster.. Am I? What does she think of me now? Does she think that I'm a totally different person now? What if we have to start over? And then there's her sister, what if Sav tells? She wouldn't, right? I'm sure it'll be okay. But what if it's not? What are you going to do? "Ugh shut the fuck up. Get out of my head." I rolled my eyes. My body shook as I stood and headed for the kitchen. I opened the fridge to get something to drink, the wine bottle calling out for me. "One glass couldn't hurt."

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I smiled to myself, my thoughts finally empty. My vision was slightly shaky and my body didn't work as it should have, My phone rang and I reached out for it. "Hello? Cas are you ready to go?"

"Go where?" I slurred out.

Sav let out a long sigh. "Are you drunk?"

"No, your drunk." I giggled. "Why don't you get over here so I can kiss you?"

Sav's voice sounded annoyed. "You're lucky I care about you. Don't go anywhere."

She hung up the phone and I let out another giggle.

Sav burst through the door and shot me a glare. "What the hell is wrong with you? How much have you had?"

I smiled cheekily. "Not that much, like three glasses or so."

She sighed. "I figured you had a low tolerance. Don't move, your coming with me."

I watched her walk away, a pang of guilt hitting me. I looked down and fell silent, knowing I needed to listen to her. After a long while she came out with a few bags in her arms, helping me off the couch. She took me down through the apartment complex and sat me in her car, throwing the bags behind us in the back. "I'm sorry baby, I didn't mean to anger you." My voice still came out slurred, but more intelligible.

I saw the blush rise in her cheeks and I almost giggled. "I'm not angry, I'm worried. You could have gotten yourself hurt. By the looks of it your tolerance is really low and you really easily could have gone over that limit."

I was memorized. I had never in my life seen someone so gentle with me, so caring. In a way, it was my own fault because after Sylvia I stayed away from everyone. But to see how genuinely concerned Sav was for me now ignited something in me I thought I had lost a long time ago. My head was silent enough to clearly think, despite the alcohol. I thought the entire way into Sav's house when she sat me in the kitchen, quickly rushing around. She sat a glass of water and some food in front of me.

"Sav, I-"

She cut me off. "Eat first and sober up, we can talk when you fell better."

I nodded and slowly ate, the thoughts coursing through my head more. My vision returned to normal and slowly a pulsing headache began. Almost on cue Sav slid me some pain killers, and I looked at her. "What are these?"

"It's Tylenol I promise, nothing more." She showed me the bottle and I compared the picture on it to what I held in my hand.

I nodded. "Thank you." And took both pills with water.

She sat across from me and softly held my hand. "Why did you do that to yourself hun? You could have called me."

I sunk my eyes. "I didn't know what to do and the voices wouldn't go away."

She looked at me questioningly, going to say something, but shook her head. "You know that I'm always here for you, no matter what. I am never going to let you do this alone."

"I've been thinking a lot." I confessed. "I don't know how you do this. When you show up suddenly I feel safe. I feel like whatever happened in my past doesn't matter and that you will protect me from any threat that I come across. I know that you'll be there for me. And that's what scares me the most. I-I love you Sav. And I'm terrified of it."

She gave me a sincere smile and gripped my hand a bit tighter. "I am really glad that I can do all that for you. I know my sister screwed you up pretty bad but I promise you that I will protect you from her no matter what happens because of it."

"That's the thing, if she finds out about this she's going to hurt you and then she's going to take me and I'll be right back where I started. I really love you." I tear rolled down my face. "But both of us will be unsafe if we allow ourselves to get any closer."

Sav sighed. "Look, I cant tell you to choose to stay here, and I'm not going to. But what I am going to tell you is that your wrong. My sister would never hurt anyone in her family on purpose and even if she does she will probably turn herself in for it. As far as your safety goes I'm not entirely sure why she did this to you in the first place but I have a better chance than anyone in snapping her out of it."

I turned the thoughts in my head for a second. Go on, do it. You know you want to. Maybe she isn't lying to you. "Maybe you're right. Maybe it's time I fight this like I should have been doing awhile ago."

Sav gave a victorious smile. "That's my girl."

Blush rose in my cheeks. I am yours.