Carrier

To Heal A Wound

I am now well over five months and missing Zayn like crazy. My belly is getting bigger by the day and it is actually getting in the way. I never thought my hips being narrower than a woman would be such a pain. I am already feeling uncomfortable with the babies sometimes feeling like they are sitting directly on my hips and my back is always aching by the end of the day.

Security has never been so tight and I am always separated from the boys for "security reasons". I fall asleep almost always right after a show. We are now in the North America leg of the tour making it harder for me to try to convince Zayn to come see me. He only ever Skype, texts, or calls and it feels like they are getting less frequent and it is only increasing my insecurities. I don't want to be just a sex toy or some baby maker. Maybe it is some of the things I have seen on Twitter making me think this, but it still hurts none the less.

"When are we going to find out what these babies are?" Harry asks rubbing my belly as I lean against him trying to take some of the pressure off of my back.

"Dr. Ada says I can find out any day now if I want to, but it feels wrong without Zayn there," I pout taking my phone out of my pocket to scroll through Twitter.

"You should get it done anyway or you'll have to wait till your like eight months, because at the rate things are going with Zayn you're not going to be seeing him until the tour is over," Louis grumbles bitterly, seriously pissed at Zayn for the past couple of weeks, "If I was in his position I would already have come seen you at least a half a dozen times. I would call in the morning, Skype at night and text you throughout the entire day to make sure you are doing okay."

"Looks like you got yourself a hell of a man, Harry," Niall grins at Harry playfully, knowing all to well about Louis and Harry's on and off romance.

"Oh I don't know, he is a pretty big pig. Such a slob," Harry says shaking his head grinning from ear to ear.

"Oh really? You're a thief. You always take my clothes, my food, my blankets, the space on my bed, and my car," Louis playfully nibbles at Harry's ear making me look up from my phone at them.

"I am right here. Stop distracting my masseuse my back hurts," I pout slapping Louis away from Harry so Harry can get back to massaging my back.

"Your back is really hurting isn't it?" Niall asks his blue eyes full of sympathy.

"Yeah, it feels like I'm always off balance and there is this constant pressure on my hips and bladder," I pout biting my lip trying to stifle a moan of pleasure as Harry traces his finger up my spine before rubbing small gentle circles into the sides of it, "I don't understand how people do this."

"I'm sure it's easier with a partner there by their side," Louis replies bitterly.

My scrolling through my Twitter comes to a freeze when I notice a picture of a certain somebody. He is drunkenly hung around a girl with Naughty Boy peering over his shoulder a bottle of beer in his hand. His hand hangs too closely to the girl's boob in my mind and the fact this is now the fourth picture to emerge of him partying widely in the past month only makes my heart shatter more.

I push Harry's hands away as I push myself up into a sitting position with Harry's help.

"What's wrong, Li"

"Are you okay?"

"If you need something we can get it for you," are all throw at me as I get to my feet unsteadily keeping a hold on Harry's arm and not bothered by his hand on my back giving me extra support.

"I-I'm fine. Just need the bathroom," I stutter out trying to hold in my sobs that are building as I make my way over to the bathroom.

"Bull shit, give me your phone," Louis gets to his feet quickly blocking my path and prying my cell phone out of my hands well wrapping one of his arms around me pulling me in close so I can't escape. I try to get away from him, but it's useless. He is currently stronger than me and doesn't have a small watermelon of a belly in the way.