There is a lot of chaos in the main hall. Many people are crying and ehh... of course... dead.
Sir Lancelot killed them on his way in. The civilians who are alive, are helping the wounded. The king gives Lancelot a small tour while they walk down the stairs. He tells him about the castle and its history and its future.
"Well, this is the main hall. We're going to have all this knocked through and made into one big, uh, living room.", the king explains.
Unfortunately the tour is soon interrupted.
"There he is!", a man shouts who's standing at the bottom of the stairs. Furiously he points at Lancelot.
The other citizens, who are busy with crying and screaming, immediately stop and look in the same direction. Suddenly it is quiet in the hall. No more people making noises. Even the wounded, who must be in great pain, are silent. The angry faces say enough.
"Oh, bloody hell.", the king says.
And that's all he can say really, because before he can say another word, all hell breaks loose.
The citizens make savage movements and like some kind of unhinged horses they angrily run up the stairs. The wounded people pull themselves forward and try to get there as well.
Unhinged Lancelot, who had finally cooled down from the previous attack, is reactivated. He runs down the stairs to meet them halfway. The king hastily runs after Lancelot to prevent the people from making him feel like he has to defend himself. But he is unable to get between the knight and the angry crowd, with the result of a few more bodies. As farmers, without any weapons, they don't stand a chance against Lancelot's aggression.
"Hold it! Stop it! Hold it! Hold it!", the king shouts.
He reaches for Lancelot's arm, but the violent arm movements make it difficult to get a hold of him.
"Hold it! Hold it! Hold it!"
Finally he manages to pull Lancelot back a bit.
"Please!"
Lancelot looks around to the extra bodies and the angry people.
"Sorry. Sorry.", he says and turns to the King.
"You see what I mean? I just get carried away. I'm really most awfully sorry."
He turns back to the crowd.
"Sorry! Sorry, everyone."
"He's killed the best man!", a man shouts.
And the chaos starts all over again.
"Hold it! Hold it! Please! Hold it!"
The King manages to calm his people down again and continues.
"This is Sir Lancelot from the Court of Camelot, a very brave and influential knight, and my special guest here today."
Everyone looks at the knight in complete silence.
"Hello.", Lancelot says awkwardly and he nervously waves at a few people.
"He killed my auntie!"
The king makes a calming gesture with us hands to everyone. He doesn't want another fight to start, because soon he'll be king over no one if it goes on like this.
"Please! Please! This is supposed to be a happy occasion! Let's not bicker and argue about who killed who.", he says and tries to reassure everyone.
His annoyed face turns into a smile and he looks around the hall enthusiastically.
He continues...
"We are here today to witness the union of two young people in the joyful bond of the holy wedlock."
Then he looks a little sad and pretends to wipe away a tear.
"Unfortunately, one of them, my son Herbert, has just fallen to his death.".
"Oh!"
The citizens look at each other in surprise and shock. But before they get time to mourn the king's sad face turns into a smile again and the next thing he says is:
"But I don't want to think I've not lost a son, so much as... gained a daughter!"
The crowd claps with a lot of joy... not!
They are mostly confused and not happy at all.
"For, since the tragic death of her father...", the King begins.
He's not quite dead!", a guy shouts who is examining the old man, the bride's father.
The king looks surprised at the old man. He is indeed still alive. The father of Herbert clears his throat and corrects himself.
"Since the near fatal wounding of her father..."
"He's getting better!"
The King gives a guard with head and eye movements a certain order. The guard knows exactly what to do. He starts walking towards the old man. The father of Herbert corrects himself again.
"For, since her own father, who, when he seemed about to recover, suddenly felt the icy hand of death upon him."
The guard stabs the bride's father.
The old man's scream echoes through the hall.
"Uugh!"
"Oh, he's died!", someone says.
Lancelot watches the event with wide eyes and tries to understand what is happening.
"I want his only daughter to look upon me as her old dad, in a very real and legally binding sense."
Again, the crowd claps with a lot of joy...not! Not much has changed. They are still not happy at all.
"And I feel sure that the merger... eh, the union between the Princess and the brave, but dangerous, Sir Lancelot of Camelot..."
"What?", Lancelot asks almost as confused as the people before him and turns to the king behind him.
"Look! The dead Prince!"
Someone points in a direction.
"Oooh! The dead Prince!", the others shout.
Everyone looks surprised at Concorde standing in the entrance. Concorde carries Herbert in his arms.
"He's not quite dead.", Concorde says.
"No, I feel much better.", the not so dead Prince says.
The King does not understand at all how it is possible that his son survived the fall and is somewhat disappointed. He thought he was finally rid of his moronic son, but he thought wrong.
"You fell out of the Tall Tower, you creep!", the king shouts.
Concorde helps Herbert up a table.
"No, I was saved at the last minute."
"How?!"
"Well, I'll tell you."
Concorde takes a step back and the people around the Prince start to dance.
"Not like that!", the king says and makes a stop sign with his hands.
Even Concorde joins the crowd and makes a dance move.
"Not like that! No! Stop it!"
The king is not lucky this time, because everyone ignores him. Instead they do something much worse. Something that Herbert's father really really hates. The people start singing:
"He's going to tell! He's going to tell!..." "Shut uuup!", the king shouts.
Concorde carefully steps over the corpses to get closer to Lancelot, who still watches the event with wide eyes.
"He's going to tell! He's going to tell!"
Herbert looks at the people around him, but he still doesn't sing.
"Not like that! Shut up!", the king shouts again.
"He's going to tell! He's going to tell!"
Concorde makes eye contact with Lancelot.
"Quickly, sir! Come this way!"
"No! It's not right for my idiom!", Lancelot says and loosens a rope from the wall.
"I must escape more...", he begins, but then he stops. He looks slightly up in thought, searching for words. Unfortunately Lancelot doesn't know what to say next. He sighs in frustration.
"Dramatically, sir?", Concorde asks.
Lancelot nods and he holds the rope a little tighter.
"Dramatically!", he says and jumps bravely off the stairs.
"Heee! Hoa!"
He easily swings over the crowd, but a little too fast, causing him to fly into some flower pots. Then he fails to find a good place to land and accidentally swings back to where he came from. A few more times he moves back and forth over the crowd and eventually comes to a halt.
"Oh, he fell a long, long way,... ", the people sing as they bow to Herbert.
"Excuse me. Could, uh... could somebody give me a push, please?", asks Lancelot.
YOU ARE READING
MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL
Humor"Bring out your dead!" "Here's one.", a man says, who approaches with a body hanging over his shoulder. "Nine pence.", the dead collector says. "I'm not dead!", the person, who's supposed to be dead, says. "What?" The dead collector thought he...
