In the main hall the princess is being prepared for the wedding. Two bridesmaids take good care of her. One of the two makes sure her hair is nicely braided and the other makes sure her dress is nice and clean. The bridesmaids giggle. Lucky smiles. She has never met the prince, but unlike him, she has a good feeling about this. This bonding can keep peace between the two families. The bridesmaids are working hard to make her look like a fanasy. Princess Lucky isn't really pritty and skinny. She's chubby and she has a chubby round face. The castle stands in the middle of a swamp. So making her look like a fantasy princess, who lives in a beautiful castle, isn't going to work.
But what makes her beautiful are the clothes and her blond shiny hair. Even her smile is beautiful. Her dress is white and has flowers on its chest. It doesn't really matter what she looks like as long as she has land and the two families are allies. Everyone around the princess is busy. Delicious bread is baked, which you can smell all the way from the other side of the castle, the warm air from the fireplace spreads throughout the room, making the main hall the warmest and coziest place in the entire castle.
Outside, in the garden, people are happily dancing and singing. The citizens love these big weddings. You can see that by the delicious food and their beautiful white traditional robes. Eight women are dancing in a circle, while holding each other's hands. Stalls are set up around the cheerful dancing women and three people are playing music. More and more guests arrive at the castle to attend the wedding. There are two guards standing in front of the gate who greet the guests friendly.
"Morning!", one of the guests say.
"Morning.", the left guard answers.
As a woman walks past, the right guard follows the woman's buttocks. That would be the advantage of being a guard. As guard you can look closely at everyone and nobody would notice if you would check his or her buttocks, because they think they're just being checked for weapons.
When they go back to normal work, which has to do with guarding the entrance, they see a knight appear in the distance running their way.
After he reaches the top, Sir Lancelot opens the door and stabs the right guard.
"Now, you're not allowed to enter the room...", the left guard says, but before he can finish his sentence, he also gets stabbed.
"Aaugh!"
Lancelot jumps over the corpses and kneels before Herbert. Confused, Herbert looks at the kneeling knight.
"O fair one, behold your humble servant, Sir Lancelot of Camelot. I have come to take y...", he begins, but when he looks at Herbert, he sees a man instead of a woman, so he quickly stands up. Lancelot thinks he walked into the wrong room.
"Oh, I'm terribly sorry.", he says.
Lancelot wanted to rescue a princess, not a prince.
"You got my note!", Herbert says suprised. He didn't expect anyone to find his note and save him. Herbert must be very happy, but if Lancelot feels the same...
"Uh, well, I... I got, uh, a note.", the knight stutters.
The prince grabs Lancelot by his right arm.
"You've come to rescue me!"
"Uh, well, no. You see, I hadn't..."
"I knew someone would." Herbert gets up. "I knew that somewhere out there..."
"Well, I..."
It's too hard for Lancelot to interrupt the prince, because he just keeps on talking. And it doesn't take long for the talking to turn into singing.
"...there must be... someone..."
Lancelot is speechless. Fortunately, he is saved by the king who storms into the room. He interrupts his son and Lancelot looks even more stunned.
"Stop that! Stop that! Stop it! Stop it!"
Panting, the king looks at Lancelot from head to toe.
"Who are you?"
"I'm your son!", Herbert says.
"No, not you."
"Uh, I am Sir Lancelot, sir."
"He's come to rescue me, father."
"Well, let's not jump to conclusions.", Lancelot says.
"Did you kill all those guards?", the king asks in astonishment.
"Uh..." Lancelot has to think about it for a while. "Oh, yes. Sorry."
"They cost fifty pounds each!"
"Well, I'm awfully sorry. Um, I really can explain everything."
"Don't be afraid of him, Sir Lancelot.", Herbert says and gives Lancelot a push forward, giving him some more space.
"I've got a rope all ready."
Lancelot and the king look at the prince, while he attaches a long rope to a wooden pole and tries to pick it up. Herbert's father continues talking to the knight.
"You killed eight wedding guests in all!"
"Well, uh, you see, the thing is, I thought your son was a lady."
"I can understand that.", the king answers and nods.
Herbert walks over to the open window. With each step, he lets a piece of rope slide onto the floor.
"Hurry, Sir Lancelot! Hurry!"
He climbs out the window and drops the rope. It now hangs against the outside wall and if Herbert grabbed the rope, it would surely hold him.
"Shut up!", the king shouts at his son and he turns back to Lancelot. "You only killed the bride's father, that's all!"
"Well, I really didn't mean to..."
"Didn't mean to?! You put your sword right through his head!"
"Oh, dear. Is he all right?"
"You even kicked the bride in the chest! This is going to cost me a fortune!"
"Well, I can explain. I was in the forest, um, riding north from Camelot, when I got this note, you see..."
"Camelot? Are you from, uh, Camelot?", the king asks surprised.
"Hurry, Sir Lancelot!", Herbert shouts. He's already hanging on the rope with his head just visible.
"Uh, I am a Knight of King Arthur, sir.", Lancelot answers.
"Very nice castle, Camelot. Uh, very good pig country."
"Is it?"
The king is curious about the knight's stories and like that he forgets that Sir Lancelot has killed many of his soldiers.
"Would you, uh, like to come and have a drink?"
"Well, that-- that's, uh, awfully nice of you,...", Lancelot says surprised.
Herbert tries to pull himself up by the rope. He comes out just above the window.
"I am ready!", he shouts and then disappears from sight again.
"...um, I mean to be so understanding, um..."
The king quickly pulls out a knife from under his cloak, walks over to the pole and cuts the rope in half.
"Oooh!", Herbert says and he falls down from the tower.
The king turns back to the knight and listens to what else he has to say.
"I'm afraid when I'm in this idiom, I sometimes get a bit, uh, sort of carried away."
"Oh, don't worry about that.", the king says and shows the knight the way to the main hall.
A loud bang reverberates through the forest. That was Herbert hitting the ground. His last word was: "Oooh!" His life passed before he could actually live it.
YOU ARE READING
MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL
Humor"Bring out your dead!" "Here's one.", a man says, who approaches with a body hanging over his shoulder. "Nine pence.", the dead collector says. "I'm not dead!", the person, who's supposed to be dead, says. "What?" The dead collector thought he...
