MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL

Make sure he doesn't leave!

Somewhere far away from the Knights of the Round Table, in the room of prince Herbert, the king talks with his son about the future plans. They are sitting by the window and look outside. The prince is about to marry princess Lucky, but he has his doubts. Of course he has no choice. Prince Herbert is already wearing his suit for the wedding.

"One day, lad, all this will be yours!" The king points outside.
"What, the curtains?", Herbert asks.
"No. Not the curtains, lad.", the king says and slaps Herbert on the back of his head, "All that you can see, stretched out over the hills and valleys of this land! This'll be your kingdom, lad."
"But Mother..."
"Father, lad. Father.", he corrects the prince.
"B-- b-- but Father, I don't want any of that."
"Listen, lad...', his father stands up and while pointing, he begins to walk through the room, '...I built this kingdom up from nothing. When I started here, all there was was swamp. Other kings said I was daft to build a castle on a swamp, but I built it all the same, just to show 'em. It sank into the swamp. So, I built a second one. That sank into the swamp. So, I built a third one. That burned down, fell over, then sank into the swamp, but the fourth one... stayed up! And that's what you're gonna get, lad: the strongest castle in these islands."
"But I don't want any of that.", the prince says unhappy, "I'd rather..." 
"Rather what?!"
"I'd rather... just... sing!"
Herbert looks up dreamily and just when he's about to sing, his father leaps forward to stop him.

"Stop that! Stop that! You're not going into a song while I'm here.", he says and he aggressively grabs his son by the sleeve and pulls him towards him.
"Now listen, lad. In twenty minutes, you're getting married to a girl whose father owns the biggest tracts of open land in Britain."
"B-- but I don't want land.", Herbert whines.
"Listen, Alice,..."
"Herbert."
"Erbert. We live in a bloody swamp. We need all the land we can get."
"But-- but I don't like her."
The king frowns his eyebrows.
"Don't like her?! What's wrong with her?! She's beautiful. She's rich. She's got huge..."
He quivers his fingers up and down just beneath his nipples.
"Tracts o' land!"
"I know, but I want the-- the girl that I marry to have... a certain,... special... something!"
Herbert wants to sing for the second time, but his father stops him again.
"Cut that out! Cut that out!", he shouts and grabs his son by the collar. 
"Look, you're marrying Princess Lucky....so you'd better get used to the idea!"
He slaps Herbert once on the cheek. 

"Guards!"
Two guards enter the room. One of the guards stands on one side of the door and the other on the other side. The king lets go of his son and walks towards the guards. 
"Make sure the Prince doesn't leave this room until I come and get him."
The king walks past the guards and wants to leave the room.
"Not to leave the room even if you come and get him.", the left guard says.
"Hic!", the right guard hiccups.
The king turns around.
"No, no. Until I come and get him."
He turns back.
"Until you come and get him, we're not to enter the room.", the guard says.
The king turns.
"No, no. No. You stay in the room and make sure he doesn't leave."
"And you'll come and get him."
"Hic!", the other guard hiccups.
"Right.", the king says.
He opens the door and walks out. The king thinks they finally understand, but he's wrong. He disappears for a moment, but can quickly turn around again, after the knight tells him to do nothing but prevent the prince from entering the room. 

"No, no. Leaving the room.", Herbert's father corrects him.
"Leaving the room. Yes.", the guard says and sniffs.
"All right?", the king asks.
"Right."
"Hic!", the right guard hiccups.
"Right.", the king says.
Now they will probably understand, so the king opens the door again.
"Oh, if-- if-- if, uhh-- if-- if-- w-- ehh-- i-- if-- if we...", the guard starts.
Herbert's father wonders how in God's name it can be that these two incredibly stupid guards work for him.
"Yes? What is it?", he asks after he turns for the millionth time.
"Oh, i-- if-- i-- oh...", the guard stutters and forgets what he wanted to say. 
"Look, it's quite simple.", the king says and turns to the guard on the right. He may have more success with him.
"You just stay here and make sure 'e doesn't leave the room. All right?"
"Hic!", the guard hiccups.
"Oh, I remember. Uhh, can he leave the room with us?", the left guard asks.
"N-- no, no. No. You just keep him in here and make sure he..."
"Oh, yes. We'll keep him in here, obviously, but if he had to leave and we were with him.."
"No, no, no, no. Just keep him in here..."