MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL

THE TALE OF SIR GALAHAD

Sir Galahad walks alone through a fierce storm that has just shown up. His hair is soaking wet and he tries to push himself through it. He holds his shield in front of him to avoid the wind. The ground beneath him seems to fall away due to the fierce storm. He slips and falls to the ground. He tries to get back on his feet, but the wind seems to push him back. It's like it has two arms that grabs Galahad by his back and just pushes him back down. He grabs a branch in front of him and pulls himself forward. Behind him, he hears scary noises that makes him wonder why they split up. It's not safe to be alone in the woods, but it's too late now to turn around. He must search for the Holy Grail, even if he's on his own.

Sir Galahad crawls forward a few yards and pushes himself up. In the distance he sees a castle where he might be allowed to take shelter until the storm has passed. He already saw the castle a few hours ago, but then he didn't see it yet: the Holy Grail shining above it. Galahad smiles. He made it. If the Almighty God shows him the Holy Grail, it must be a signal that he is at the right location. There's only one way to find out.

"Open the door!", he shouts, once arrived and bangs on the door. No one opens.
"Open the door!"
Still nothing. He also doesn't hear any movement on the other side. Maybe they can't hear him. "In the name of King Arthur, open the door!"
The door opens and Galahad falls inside. He lays on the floor for a moment to catch his breath. The door closes behind him with a loud bang. He startles and looks behind.
"Hello.", a few young women say who stand before him. The women are dressed in white dresses and talk in gentle voices. The woman in front carries a candlestick.
"Welcome, gentle Sir Knight. Welcome to the Castle Anthrax.", the woman in front says. 
"Castle Anthrax?", Galahad asks.
"Yes. Oh, it's not a very good name, is it? Oh, but we are nice and we will attend to your every, every need!"
Galahad, who's still lying on the ground, looks at the young women in astonishment.
"You are the keepers of the Holy Grail?"
"The what?"
"The Grail? It is here."
"Oh, but you are tired and you must rest awhile. Midget! Crapper!"
Two women come forward.
"Yes, O Zoot?", they say.
The women are beautiful and well cared for. For a moment Galahad thinks he's in heaven.
"Prepare a bed for our guest."
"O, thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!...", the two women say with joy.

"Away! Away, varletesses.", Zoot says.
Midget and Crapper walk away and Zoot looks back at Sir Galahad.
"The beds here are warm and soft and very, very big."
She reaches out her hand to him. He takes her hand and stands up. Galahad can't stay here for anything other than the Grail, even if he wanted to.
"Well, look, I... I, uh..."
"What is your name, handsome knight?", Zoot interrupts him.
"Sir Galahad... the Chaste."
Zoot smiles and takes a step forward. She's now an inch away. 
"Mine is 'Zoot'. Just 'Zoot."
Galahad feels uncomfortable and he leans back a bit.
"Oh, but come.", she says and takes him with her.
"Look, please! In God's name, show me the Grail!", he says as they walk down the corridor.
"Oh, you have suffered much. You are delirious."
"No, look. I have seen it! It is here in this..."
He turns and wants to walk the other way, but Zoot grabs him by his arm.
"Sir Galahad! you would not be so ungallant as to refuse our hospitality."
"Well, I... I, uh...", he stutters and looks down shyly.
They walk on.

"Oh, I am afraid our life must seem very dull and quiet compared to yours. We are but eight score young blondes and brunettes, all between sixteen and nineteen-and-a-half, cut off in this castle with no one to protect us. Oooh. It is a lonely life: bathing, dressing...,' They arrive at a staircase. Zoot hangs up the candlestick.
"...undressing, knitting exciting underwear."
Galahad follows her upstairs.
"We are just not used to handsome knights."
They walk into a room with a bed. Galahad feels too uncomfortable and turns away from her again, but she pulls him back.
"Nay. Nay. Come. Come. You may lie here.", she says and pushes him on the bed. Galahad doesn't know what to do. He wants to have the rest and food he expected to get here, but what he didn't expected was there to be so many women.
"Oh, but you are wounded!", she says.
"No, no. It's... it's nothing."
He pushes her hand away.
"Oh, you must see the doctors immediately!"
He quickly gets up, but is immediately pushed back onto the bed.
"No, no, please! Lie down."
Zoot claps her hands twice and two women approach.
Galahad doesn't dare to move his head and he follows the women, only with his eyes, to the left side of the bed.