My First FSY

Chapter 11

Wednesday: Day 3

I was running down a familiar hallway. One that hadn't been with me in my darkest nightmares for a long time. I ran until my legs ached, but I knew I couldn't stop. I couldn't, because if I did, something very bad was going to happen.

Usually, I managed to wake up before he caught up with me, but this time I didn't. He reached me. And he hurt me. Lots of damage. And then he threw me, like someone throwing a handkerchief after cleaning.

My eyes widened and I looked around relieved that it was just a nightmare. I ran my hand over my face and it was drenched in sweat... Or was it tears? Through the window, I saw that the sky had begun to lighten. It would be better to take a shower to clear my head before starting the day.

Elisabet was still sleeping, so I tried to be stealthy enough not to wake her up. I locked myself in the bathroom and while I undressed I observed for a few seconds the scars I had in some hidden places, where no one could see them. They were the silent testimony of a bygone era that I had long since outgrown. Or so I thought. I ran my finger over one of them located on the ribs, under my chest, and shivered. Why now? Why was this torment coming at me when I was trying to turn my life around?

─Becky!?─ I heard my roommate's voice through the door.

─I'll be right out!─ I exclaimed as I stepped into the small shower cubicle. Quick and refreshing. As soon as I got out I felt much better. Ready for a new day.

Leaving the bathroom, I saw Elisabet reading her scriptures very concentrated.

─Hello─ she smiled, looking up ─You got up very early today.

─Although you find it hard to believe, I usually sleep little...

─Certainly, I find it hard to believe─ she laughed as she entered the bathroom.

I looked at her open scriptures on her bed and noticed that they were full of side notes and underlined verses. So that was the consequence of going to seminar. I picked up my Book of Mormon and flipped through the pages absentmindedly. I had taken it from the bishop's office two weeks ago. It was supposedly for the missionaries to give away. I hadn't even bothered to write my name, because if it got lost I didn't care. However, after the recent experience, I saw the book with different eyes. It was as if it was full of special "wisdom tips" for me. No... it wasn't possible. But... What if...?

I decided to put it to the test. That would be my absolute sign that the scriptures were more than just a book written by Joseph Smith. I had heard stories about people who had received revelations by opening a random page and reading the first writing that appeared and had always been curious to prove that it was not true. But that day something pushed me to do it, and it wasn't exactly my desire to prove it wrong. It was something else. A different feeling.

I looked at the book, smelled its pages, which still smelled new, and began to leaf through until I stopped at any page. I took a quick look and stopped at a number in the center of the page.

"Yea, come unto Christ, and be perfected in him, and deny yourselves of all ungodliness; and if ye shall deny yourselves of all ungodliness, and love God with all your might, mind and strength, then is his grace sufficient for you, that by his grace ye may be perfect in Christ; and if by the grace of God ye are perfect in Christ, ye can in nowise deny the power of God".

I slammed the book shut and stared at its navy blue cover for a moment.

─It can't be...─ I mumbled. A warm tingle filled my chest, like silent testimony that what was written there was what I needed to know at that moment. It was the feeling that I was not going unnoticed by God. He knew my difficulties and was concerned about my happiness. Could that be true? Was it possible that such a great and omnipotent God would notice someone like me? Or, on the contrary, was it nothing more than the suggestion caused by my excessive contact with those youth?