The Broken Bond

Separation

Division of the kingdom. Yudhishthira could not dream of such a thing even in a nightmare: that the mighty Kuru empire would be torn apart, like an old worn banner, and not the wrath of the gods, not powerful enemies, but squabbles in their family. How did it happen? Because of whom? And wasn't he himself the cause of the split? Yudhishthira would have liked to put these meaningless questions out of his mind now that everything had already happened, but he could not. Even hugging his mother and brothers, he continued to think about how he could have done everything differently.

If they apologized to Dhritarashtra?

If they did not defend their rights and titles?

If they refused to marry Draupadi?

If they hadn't finally gone to swayamvara in Kampilya? Didn't go to Anga?

But over and over again repeating the whole path again, Yudhishtriha did not see any other solutions, not a single choice about which he could say 'no, then it should have been done differently.' Everything that he did and decided needed to be done and decided, even if this road led further and further into thorns and forced him to accept many wounds. It was not his sin that led to the split of the Kuru kingdom, it was worth accepting this conclusion and calming your mind.

Yudhishthira did not succeed, thoughts again went to the beginning of the circle, like travelers enchanted by Maya Rakshasa. If they...

“Will you come with me today, my lord?” Draupadi asked softly when she and her brothers were finally able to get away from their mother and were about to leave for a rest before starting the hassle of leaving.

Perhaps he should have been with the younger ones, sharing their grief, but the brothers remained four, while Draupadi would have to spend the night alone, and for her parting with Kunti was also a blow.

- If you want to.

Later, they sat on the bed, and Yudhishthira watched the dim light of the oil lamps reflected in Draupadi's golden ornaments, in her smooth resinous hair and eyes. Today he didn't ask for a dice board, he wasn't in the mood for fun, and Draupadi didn't show any desire to pass the time in the usual way either.

Silence covered them like a thick blanket of wool. It was not heavy or disturbing, when thousands of unspoken words hide behind the silence, but it was not calmly comfortable either. Both were too tired from the fights in the council, from other people's hostility and poisonous words, and now they lay side by side, like two weary warriors after a dead battle sit on a heated stone, leaning shield against shield and placing spears next to it.

–“When I married you, my lord, I wanted to be your fortune,” Draupadi spoke after a long silence. “When we were driving to Hastinapur, I was thinking about how to bring glory to an already great dynasty. Now I doubt if I brought misfortune instead of good luck. And that makes me sad, my lord.”

“No.” Yudhishthira turned to her, took her hands in his. Draupadi's skin, as always, was hot, as if Agni-deva's fire flowed along with her blood in her veins.

–“You cannot bring misfortune, Panchali. Vice versa. Look, now we have our own land on which we can build whatever we want. The duty of a king is to look after the welfare of his subjects, and now I have a chance to fulfill my duty without being bound by the traditions of Hastinapur and without fear of having to fight with relatives.”

At least, as long as Dhritarashtra remains on the throne, Yudhishthira added to himself. The war could start when the crown passed to Duryodhana, but he still had a glimmer of hope that sooner or later he would come to his senses. In any case, Dhritarashtra remained strong so far, it was unlikely that death was going to take him away soon, and Yudhishthira had time to provide his future subjects with reliable protection from a possible threat.

-“I hope you're not just trying to console me, my lord.

However, a shadow of a smile appeared on Draupadi's face, and Yudhishthira's soul became warmer.

-“You know that even if I wanted to lie for comfort, I couldn’t,” he objected. “But I'm really happy with how it turned out. Things could have gone much worse, and if not for you, perhaps it would have ended up in a war.”

Without Draupadi’s intervention, grandfather would not have forgiven them, without her support, Yudhishthira could have agreed to retreat without being able to create a righteous kingdom for people.

- “I almost made a mistake several times, but you held me like a rope stretched over an abyss. You gave me the necessary determination. You're giving it right now because I had doubts too, but when I started talking to you, I could finally believe that I did everything right.”

He caressed her fingers gently. “Since childhood, I have known that patience is one of the greatest virtues, but only recently have I begun to understand that patience should not mean inaction. You teach me that, you and…”

he stammered, remembering why they had decided to come to Kampilya and swayamvara.“And…?” Draupadi prompted after a pause.

“And Anga-raj Karna, my elder brother,” Yudhishthira admitted. “If not for him, we might never even have appeared in Kampiglia and met you. For this alone I am grateful to him."

A shadow appeared again in Draupadi's gaze, she gently stroked Yudhishthira's hair.

“Your brother is staying at Hastinapur with Prince Duryodhana. Just like mother Kunti."

Yudhishthira swallowed, feeling the bitterness of unspoken reproaches filling his mouth again, like snake venom. He was not afraid of separation itself, he knew that distance does not separate close hearts. They spent twelve years without their mother at Drona's mentor's school, and despite missing her, they never truly suffered. They thought of their mother and knew that their mother was thinking of them.

But the reason why they had to part now, the real reason, wounded Yudhishthira like a knife treacherously stuck in the back, and this pain was not to go away soon. He always knew that Uncle Dhritarashtra preferred his son to them, and did not even consider this something overly offensive. Yudhishthira believed that Dhritarashtra loved their father Pandu and, in memory of him, loved them to some extent.

However, after Dhritarashtra, in fact, took their mother hostage, Yudhishthira's faith was shattered like a mirror from a stone flying into it, and its fragments now seemed to cut his soul with sharp edges. Did Uncle really think they were capable of rebellion? So afraid? Or did he hate so much that he heard only the echo of his own hatred where there was none? Yudhishthira wanted to ask him, to demand a direct answer, but such a conversation would only add more wounds and bring no benefit.

“We are not parting forever,” Yudhishthira finally replied when he decided he could handle his own voice. “While it worries me that Mom agreed to stay here, I'm sure nothing really bad will happen. She is not a prisoner, and Dhritarashtra asked, not ordered. Worst case, we can always pick her up.”

Draupadi lowered her head, and Yudhishthira saw the tears trembling again on her eyelashes.

- You are right, my lord, but this does not lessen the sadness of separation.

***

Here is a chapter a rather little one. Thanks a lot to my dear supporters. Gurr130 Rakshyadoll