Hypotheticals

32-Every day, all over again

Life has become a lot for Eddie to handle. If his life was a cup, it was overflowing. Everything has been pouring down on him at once. He's never had anyone love him the way Steve does. He spends so much time caring for and caring about Eddie. It sometimes makes Eddie feel like he's a burden.

On the other hand, Jason was killing him. Killing his confidence, killing his self esteem. With every day that passes by, Jason doesn't miss a beat. He doesn't ever miss his chance to whisper humiliating, taunting words in Eddie's ear. He doesn't hesitate to yell harmful words at Eddie when they pass each other in the hall. Eddie isn't sure how much longer he can take this. 

On top of all this, graduation is next week. This brings Eddie mixed emotions. Of course he is excited to graduate. Especially since he's been trying for the past three years. He's excited to be up there on the stage in front of everyone. With Robin. Smiling down at Steve and Dustin and all the other people he's been blessed with this year. But he's also scared, nervous and sad.

He hasn't applied to any colleges or universities yet. Meanwhile his entire grade has applied and either been accepted or rejected. Most of them were preparing to go off to a new school next fall and pursue their customized studies, but not Eddie. He's been freaking out about it for all of two months. His nerves have been especially unbearable the past two weeks, as graduation creeps nearer. It also makes him sad that he won't be at Hawkins high anymore. As poorly as he's been treated these past years, he knows he's going to miss the place dearly. He's going to miss the music hallway, the Hellfire club. Mrs clickity clackity's unbearable English course.

He has spent virtually no time with Steve since that evening in his trailer when he abruptly kicked him out. That was two weeks ago. Of course they would see each other during their shifts, and some days Steve would drive Eddie home. Eddie feels incredibly bad about them not talking much anymore but he can't stop himself. Every time he even tries to imagine a conversation with Steve right now, all he can hear is Jason.

You don't deserve his attention.

He's just pitying you.

Nobody's ever going to love you, freak.

 Every day, he worries, these words become true. More believable with each morning. He doesn't deserve Steve's attention if all he feels like doing is moping. Steve must be pitying him, because who would really stay by his side as he breaks down about the homophobic slurs thrown at him. Eddie is a freak, and Steve can't truly love him for being the way he is. 

Eddie sighs and roots around in the small closet in the trailer. After a quick search he pulls out a broom, a dust pan, a box of garbage bags and a handheld vacuum. He heads down the narrow hallway to his bedroom. He deposits his finding on the bed and opens the box. He pulls out a garbage bag and shakes it around untl it fills with air and opens its self up. His eyes scan the room. 

Trash lots of trash. he picks up stray papers, packaging and drink cans, placing them in the garbage bag. A whole pile of failed essay drafts falls into the bag alongside the rest. More wrappers, a small empty box. A stray sock that- we're not going to talk about the sock. A couple pieces of wax paper that Eddie struggles to reach from under his bed. Up close they reaveal to be the backing from his precious stickers. These make him smile lightly. He grabs a few clothing tags and a couple cans from under the bed and stands up. Holy shit, he thinks, I really need to start cleaning more. 

Eddie plucks the broom and dustpan and scans the floor. He realizes, rather slowly, that he doesn't need these if he's got carpeted floors. He sighs and switches them with the small vacuum and flips the power switch to 'ON'. He gets onto the floor on his knees and starts vacuuming. It's a slow and tedious task. No need for a large vacuum when they live in such a tiny trailer.