do you wanna touch me? | woosan

chapter 15

mingi's pov

Mingi was sitting alone at the cafeteria, eating his lunch and thinking. About Yunho. He didn't knew what his feelings for Yunho were exactly, was it just brotherly love he had for someone who was a really good friend to him or was it maybe something more? Whatever it was, Mingi couldn't do this anymore. Even though Yunho never showed him any sign that he might like him, Mingi still wanted to confess his feelings to him despite the fact they were slightly confusing to him. He quickly finished his lunch and texted Yunho to meet at their favorite tteokbokki place near campus. 

"Why don't you eat, Mingi?", Yunho asked him after ordering something from the waitress while Mingi asked for just a Cola.

"I already ate at the university cafeteria.", Mingi answered, still not knowing how to start the conversation with Yunho who had no clue what was coming.

"Oh, that's alright then. Anyways, I have to tell you something!", Yunho suddenly became very excited.

"What is it? Are San and Wooyoung finally back together?", Mingi asked.

"No, unfortunately. It's about me actually. You know Jihyo from your department?", Yunho started and Mingi already knew where this was going, but secretly, he hoped that his own thoughts were wrong for once.

"Yes.", Mingi's answer was short and he was getting impatient.

"Well, I went out with her a couple of times. We got really close during our meetings with the Student Council and we're kinda...together now.", Mingi watched as Yunho's eyes lit up while he was talking about the sweet girl he really liked.

Mingi thought that in that moment, it wouldn't be fair to tell Yunho about how he felt. It was too late anyways. Mingi put on a fake smile and patted his friend on the shoulder, who was sitting across him.

"I'm really happy for you, Yunho.", Mingi said, which at first might have seemed like a lie but it wasn't.

Mingi realized that he only wanted his friend to be happy, whether if it was with him or someone else, it didn't really matter. Now was the perfect chance for him to let go of his feelings towards Yunho which wasn't going to be very easy. He decided not to ruin this moment for Yunho as they continued talking about random stuff.

"Yeosang just texted me. He said that it's important, I'm so sorry Mingi. We should meet up soon though, maybe you could even meet Jihyo.", Yunho said while standing up from the chair. 

"Why would you introduce me to Jihyo?", Mingi asked out of curiosity.

"Because you're my best friend, idiot. Gotta go now, talk to you later!!", Yunho answered as he rushed out of the restaurant. 

Mingi was smiling. Yunho just called him his best friend.

wooyoung's pov

Wooyoung didn't lift his head up even once and he didn't notice when Yunho and Yeosang literally dragged Hyunjin out of the room, leaving him and San alone. He wanted to tell him to leave too, because he hated the fact that San has seen his weak side. But he couldn't and if he was being true to himself, he needed San now more than ever before. Awful flashbacks from that night started rushing through his mind before he felt a familiar touch on one of his shoulders.

"Woo. Can you please look at me?", San asked as his voice softened.

Wooyoung shook his head that was still buried between his knees. San didn't pressure him further, he just wrapped his arms around him, hugging Wooyoung tightly.

"You don't have to, it's okay. I just wanted to look at your face while I apologize for everything that I have said and done these days. I'm so sorry, Woo. I should have listened to you.", San started talking while resting his chin on Wooyoung's shoulder and gently caressing his hair.

"I was so selfish. God, I wish I could turn back time. I behaved like a total jerk towards you, I deserve to die.", San continued as Wooyoung suddenly raised his head and looked at San with tears in his eyes.

"No, Sannie, you don't deserve to die. Please don't leave me!", he started sobbing and San pulled him closer to his chest, hugging him even tightly than before.

Wooyoung was now crying into San's chest, leaving wet tears all over his shirt while San was telling him that everything will be okay. He felt so safe in San's arms like the flashbacks that came to his mind just minutes before didn't even happen. Like anything before didn't even happen. He was only thinking about the man that was hugging him like he was going to protect him from the whole world. Wooyoung wanted this moment to last forever.

"Do you want me to get you some tissues? You could use my shirt for that too, I don't mind.", San was trying to make a joke which kind of worked because he heard Wooyoung chuckle a little bit.

He wrapped his own arms around San's waist now and raised his head from San's chest to look at him while assuring him that he was okay by simply smiling. San smiled back and kissed Wooyoung on the forehead. 

"Yeosang told me about you and Hyunjin, by the way...", San broke the silence once again, "But you don't have to tell me about it if you're not ready Woo!"

"It's okay. I should have told you this earlier. Then we wouldn't be separated for a short while that actually felt like years for me.", Wooyoung said and San's slowly linked their fingers together while running his thumb over Wooyoung's hand.

"Hyunjin was my best friend during high school.", Wooyoung started.

"Him and Yeji are siblings so we always used to hang out together. Hyunjin was not a bad person before. I even started liking him at one point and I found out that he liked me too. We decided to start dating. But suddenly, the summer after we graduated from high school, Hyunjin changed. He started hanging out with some really bad people and they influenced his behavior so much. At our graduation party, he dragged me into an empty bedroom and started touching me...where I didn't want him to touch me.", Wooyoung's voice started to shake which made San hold his hand more tightly.

"Anyways, I told him that he should stop. He just smirked at me and continued what he already started. The next thing I remember is waking up in a hospital a few days later when they told me that Hyunjin got angry at me for shouting so much and asking for help that he beat me to a pulp. Besides my injuries, I wasn't feeling okay mentally. I was appointed to a therapist because they thought that I went through something really traumatic which later really affected me. I started experiencing these stupid flashbacks and nightmares and that's also the reason why I wasn't okay with you having sex with me just recently, I'm so fucking weak San, I hate myself!", tears started to roll down Wooyoung's cheeks once again.

San cupped Wooyoung's face with both of his hands while looking at him with admiration in his eyes. He moved Wooyoung closer to him, their foreheads touching and noses brushing against each other. 

"The fact that you're still alive today shows how strong you are, Woo. Even if you still feel weak sometimes, there's nothing wrong with that! You're human, after all. No one should be scared of showing their weakness, despite who they are. Remember that, baby, okay?", San was now looking straight into Wooyoung's teary eyes as he nodded.

"Let's go eat something, now. Eating after a crying session always feels right.", San said as he pulled Wooyoung's hand to take his boyfriend out for a nice meal together.

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I am happy to say that my exams are finally over now and that I will be publishing chapters more often starting today! I hope you liked this really soft but also kinda sad chapter. Make sure to leave some nice comments and I'm gonna be back tomorrow with another chapter! :)