The Ugly Duckling (PUBLISHED UNDER PSICOM)

Ugly #31

Different choices precipitate different consequences. I knew that. Right from the very start, I knew that disaster will follow in my every decision but I still did it every single time. Because I didn't care. I never did.

Dee was right when she said I was a girl who thinks life is a game. I was never serious about anything except for having fun. I didn't want it. I always craved for things that would bring me joy because I didn't know how to handle the opposite. The world is my playground and that's because I didn't want myself to see pass through that.

Maybe I was immature. Maybe I was too laid back. And maybe it's a part of my self defense mechanism. I use humor to avoid tears. I play because I didn't want anything serious. I was reckless to everyone around me because I didn't want to wreck myself.

I stared blankly at my feet that were both dipped in the water. I couldn't see it but I'm aware that my toes were all wrinkled. I've been sitting on the edge of the pool for an hour or maybe two.

"You're not planning to drown yourself, are you?" napalingon ako nang marinig ko ang boses ni Avis na nakatayo sa gilid ko. Walang bago dahil blangko pa rin ang mukha niya. "Because I'm planning to take a dip later. Tomorrow ka na lang magpakamatay."

I copied her usual poker face, blankly staring at her. "I really sometimes wonder kung bakit patay na patay si Luke sa'yo. Ang korny mo kaya."

Natahimik si Avis sa sinabi ko. I bit inside my cheek. Did I choose the wrong thing to say? My sister had always been sensitive when it comes to Luke Dashiel. I averted my eyes from my sister and sighed out loud.

"What's up with you?" Avis began to sit down next to me, slowly dipping her feet below the water.

I paused for a while. I didn't pause because I was hesitating to tell my sister everything. I paused because I didn't know who to explain everything without taking all of her time. Avis was as impatient as me.

"Galit sa akin si Dee." I started off with that sentence and then followed it with the rest of the story, starting from what happened at Harlow. Avis watched me as I explained everything, not leaving a single detail.

I've never held back any information from my sister. She may be cold, blunt, and heartless when it comes to saying what's in her mind but I know I could trust her. Kahit na alam kong maraming inililihim sa akin si Avis ay hindi ko naman magagawang maglihim sa kanya.

Avis will always be the first person that I'd ask for an advice. I knew her well. She's rational. She would never let her emotions rule whenever she's making decisions. She would always choose her brain over her beating heart.

"And your confrontation happened yesterday?" she asked.

I nodded, completely somber. "Sinubukan ko siyang tawagin at puntahan sa bahay nila pero ayaw niya akong kausapin."

Avis looked at me like I was stupid. "Of course she won't talk to you. She's hurt Les, and she has every right to. What she doesn't have the right is to get mad just because Sage fell in love with you and that you fell in love him too."

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko. "Wala akong sinabing mahal ko rin siya!"

"Les, I'm not stupid." Avis dryly replied and I scowled. "Stupid is when you let a guy drive a wedge in your friendship."

Natahimik ako at iniisip ang mga sinasabi ni Avis. She always made sense. Lahat ng lumalabas sa bibig niya ay laging may laman. She can slap me with the truth through her words.

"And stupid is also you." she added and I stared at her with complete annoyance. "You're playing with fire, and fire burns."

Nawala ang inis sa mukha ko at napakagat sa labi. "I know."