Shatter Me

[1] Lights, Camera, Action

Dedicated to GodgirlIzzy for the banner above! Thanks, girl! xx

Revised version published February 1st 2016

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Pulling back the curtain ever so slightly, I peeked out into the crowd. Not a ton of people occupied the seats, but more than usual. My heart pounded inside my chest as I took in a long deep breath.

I can do this.

All I had to do was walk out onto the stage and, whatever I did, I just couldn't forget my lines. It shouldn't be too hard to remember them, I'd practiced them at least a thousand times.

This was what I loved to do. So then why did I get so nervous before every play? Maybe because of all the people. Focused eyes. All focused on me. Any mistake I made, any time I stumbled over my words or forgot what I was suppose to say, there would be someone watching. And that would make yet a another mistake to add to the list of mistakes that I'd made in my life. There were already too many mistakes to count. And adding another wouldn't be too pleasurable.

I blinked and refocused my mind on the lines that I had already practiced so many times today -- saying a few of them over again to myself. Any minute now, the play would begin. I could do this.

There were others around me, also preparing themselves to go out on stage, but I didn't make eye contact with any of them. The only time I ever spoke with any of the others was on stage, and even then it didn't count because when I was on stage, I was not myself. I was my character.

But although I didn't have any personal connection with anyone I went to college with, I still knew a lot about them because of how much of an observer I was and how many of their conversations I had overheard.

I also knew that they talked about me. They would whisper about me among themselves when I was right there in the room, as if I didn't notice. But I did. Sometimes they'd talk about me only in a curious way, as if trying to figure me out. And other times in a negative way. But I didn't care. I was used to it.

The lights dimmed. Everyone took their places. Curtains opened. The play began.

It went smoothly and nicely. I didn't make any mistakes and that relieved me.

As soon as the play had ended applause rose up from the crowd. It wasn't applause for me though. It was applause for the play, for the characters. Not for me. No one had ever applauded me in my life. I didn't mind though. I didn't need applause. I just needed everyone to stay away from me. Far away.

***

I stood with my back against the wall, taking in my surroundings. Everyone walked past me as if I was invisible. And for all I cared, I was invisible. They always ignored me. The entire world did. They had for as long as I could remember.

I few girls just barely in earshot of me were talking about "the new guy". I'd heard several people talking about this new guy for a while now. Although I hadn't seen him around yet.

"He's so cute!" One girl squealed as if she was twelve years old again.

"Yeah." Another responded. "He's only just started here and he's already really popular."

"It's because of how adorable he is."

I stopped listening after a while, not exactly caring about their conversation, as thoughts of my warm bed and cozy apartment filled my mind. I'd rather be home right now, there was no reason to stay here when no one even noticed I existed. And if they did, they never bothered to say anything to me other than 'Hi'.

I adjusted my backpack, pulling myself away from the wall. Catching a glance of the outdoors, through the window, I sighed. Rain was starting to pour from the sky.

Not now. I hated rain. It didn't help at all to cheer me up when I was in such a dismal mood as today. As a child I used to imagine that the sky was crying, therefore making me more upset and adding to my dislike for rain.

As I reached the double doors, leading to outside, I pulled up my hood preparing to run out to my car. But I was only halfway to my vehicle when I realized I left my phone inside the theater.

I looked to the building. Then to my car. I was getting wetter with every moment that I stood, arguing with myself weather to go back. But I had no choice. I needed my phone.

I took in a deep breath and quickly began running back towards the building. It seemed the faster I went, the less wet I got. I was glad of that.

I came closer and closer to the building. Almost there. But with my mind in other places, I wasn't paying attention and didn't realize my surroundings. I didn't realize when the door opened and somebody, also hurrying, exited. I didn't realize anything until we both carelessly collided with each other.

I gasped as all the books and papers in my arms spilled all over the ground. And, without making eye contact, I knelt down. I tried to ignore the guy I had collided with as I gathered my things. I didn't take a good look at him and I didn't want to. Because I didn't want to have to talk to him.

"Oh my gosh," He said, bending down to help me. "I am so sorry, I didn't see you."

Sorry? Wow. He must have been one of those gentlemanly type guys. It wasn't normal for people to apologize to me.

He handed me the books that he had gathered and we both stood.

"It's alright. I should have been watching where I was going." The words came out of my before I could stop them. Sure, I didn't like talking to people but I certainly wasn't rude.

Being the observer that I was, I took in all that I could about him as I told him that it was okay. He was taller than I was, which was normal seeing that I was fairly short. He had a light brownish blonde colored hair and bright green-blue eyes.

"Are you alright?" He asked me. He seemed to be truly concerned.

"Yeah, I-I'm fine."

He gave me a small smile and held out his hand. Was I supposed to shake it? I don't think anyone had ever done that me before, I wasn't very experienced when it came to the social aspects of life.

I awkwardly shook his hand.

"I'm Jason." He said. "Jason Cruise."

Jason Cruise? Where have I heard that name before? ...Oh, wait...Wasn't that the name of the new guy?