Shatter Me

[3] Defying The Comfort Zone

*Revised version published on June 6th, 2016*

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I walked down the crowded hall, towards my geography class. My thoughts were racing with the occurrences of yesterday while I was pushing past other students to get to my destination. 

I hoped that, by now, Jason had forgotten about us bumping into each other, and hopefully forgotten about me entirely. I'd rather keep to myself.
I knew it was stupid to be so afraid of getting my heart broken. But what if?

And if Jason didn't end up breaking my heart, I didn't want to be the victim of breaking his. He needed to stay away from me. That's all I knew. Far away.

I made it through the crowd and took a deep breath. It felt like the walls were closing in my me. My palms were sweating and it felt like I couldn't' breath. Not another panic attack.

I staggered over to the corner and leaned up against the wall. Tears lingered in my eyes and tried to focus on breathing. I felt like I was going to throw up. 

That's when I saw Jason walk by. My instincts told me to turn around, go the opposite way, but for some reason my feet wouldn't take me anywhere. I froze. 

He stopped when he noticed me and instantly, a look of concern came over his face. "Are you alright?"

I nodded my head a little as my breathing finally came to a steady pace. He took a step closer. "Are you sure?"

I just bit my lip. I felt like such a small child.

The warm look on his face was inviting. I should just talk to him. But I couldn't. I looked away, the tears still lingering in my eyes. 

He came closer. "Hey." he said gently.

I still kept my head turned away from him.

He continued. "What's wrong?"

I silently took in a deep breath. I looked at him. "Nothing. It's nothing."

He just looked at me. He wanted to help. But there was nothing he could do to help. I was a hopeless case. 

"I...I have to get to class." I turned and walked away. Once again, leaving him behind in a cloud of confusion. 

I made it to my geography class and sat down at my desk towards the back. Only seconds later, the door opened again and in walked someone else. Come to find out, Jason was now enrolled in the same geography class as I was.

He sat down in an empty seat, several rows ahead of me. I tried to ignore, but instead found myself watching him. And intently listening to his voice when he spoke up to answer questions. 

The class dragged on. At the end, we were all told to pick partners for studying. The professor wanted us to have accountability partners. It was to build teamwork, and hopefully help with our focus.

Class ended and I watched as students chose their partners. I was quiet as I observed. Most of the students already knew who they'd pick. Most of the teams were made up of boyfriend and girlfriend or two best friends.

My eyes scanned the room and landed on Jason. He was still in his seat. As the chatter in the room rose and students filed out of the room or stood around talking, he didn't join them. He just sat there. I watched as several different girls walked up to him. I couldn't hear what any of them said to him, but I guessed that they were requesting to be his partner. Each girl that walked up to him, after asking their question, ended up walking away pouting.

Did he really reject all those people? 

Finally, one more person came up to him. This time it wasn't a girl, but instead it his best friend Aiden. I had seen Aiden around a lot and gathered that they were best friends and also roommates.

Jason stood when Aiden walked up. Aiden said something to him and Jason shook his head as he replied. Then they both glanced over at me briefly but quickly looked away when they saw me watching them. 

They said a few more things to each other and then Aiden walked out of the room. There were only a few people left in the room now. Jason picked up his backpack and swung it over his shoulder. And then, instead of walking out of the room like I expected him to, he began walking towards me.

He approached my desk, which I was still seated at, and I looked up to see his face. 

"Hey, Serenity." he said.

"Hi"

"I just had a question for you."

I didn't respond so he continued. "I was just wondering if you'd like to be my study partner."

I thought about it for a minute. I didn't want to. But did I really have a choice? There was no one else in the world who would be nice enough to ask me that. 

"I...I don't know."

"You don't have to if you don't want."

I inwardly argued with myself. Should I accept his offer? 

Why would he want to be my partner anyway?

"Um..."

I didn't know what to say, how to answer. A thousand thoughts raced through my mind as I argued with myself weather to agree of not. I could have denyed and found somebody else - a girl - to partner with. 

Before I could think anymore on the matter, I spoke up.

"I...I guess so."

I could tell my answer made him happy from the sparkling in his green eyes. 

It was so unlike me to make a decision like this so fast, without thinking over it for a while. But the answer just came out. 

We decided that we'd meet at the coffee shop across the street. It was my suggestion; that coffee shop had been my go-to place to study or read, or just for coffee for a long time now. 

Agreeing to be Jason's study partner was taking a step out my comfort zone. But not only a step...more like one million steps.