HEARTBEAT {h.s}

29

"Do you think Harry is a bad person?" Clare asked me. I thought for a brief moment about my answer, unsure what words to speak.

"Yes and no. I know he's a bad person. I know it with my entire being but...sometimes I forget. Sometimes it's easier to forget, to block it out and focus on the moments where he's sincere, kind and genuine. He's a walking contradiction."

I don't think I've ever fallen asleep as quickly as I did yesterday. As soon as my head rested on the soft pillow, the heaviness of my exhausted mind weighed me down into a deep sleep. I didn't even speak to Eden because she wasn't home yet. I figured she'd stayed behind at the theatre later and sent her a text to make sure she was okay. I never got to see her reply before I was passed out and tangled comfortably in my linen sheets.

When I woke up this morning, I noticed she wasn't laying in the bed next to me either. Panic ran through me and I reached instantly for my phone searching through my messages.

Eden: I'm fine, dw! I forgot to text u, sorry. Just with a friend, I'll see u tomorrow. ;)

Oh, thank god. My body slumps in relief but then stiffens in curiosity. I wonder who her friend is. For all I know, I'm the only friend she knows in New York. Unless...no. No way.

Yesterday was the first day of October and already this month feels spooky and disappointing. Today is a Tuesday which means I had to get up for work. I decided to make the most of the sunny weather today since the next coming months are due to be anything but warm. I'm surprised to even see the sun make an appearance when it's been hidden for almost the last week. I decide to wear a skirt and a summery shirt even though it's mid-autumn. I am confused about why I'm putting so much effort into today, maybe it has something to do with how much of a wreck I was yesterday.

I swear my soul left my body when I looked in that rearview mirror to see my reflection yesterday. And when I had looked into his eyes.

I left my apartment so I could grab a coffee this morning and then drove to work. It's left me slightly agitated, especially since it would have been a way of recovering from the day before.

"You've both seen vulnerable sides of each other, you said?" Clare asked me.

"I mean, yeah. Sort of. We've talked about our past once, I've cried to him before early on and he's helped me with nightmares now and then. We, uh...kissed once. Twice actually. But it's not...It wasn't, after...it- urgh. It's complicated." She nods, fighting a smile.

"Hmm." She hums. "Did you enjoy it?"

I furrow my brows, thrown off and not expecting this to be a topic of conversion. I choose honesty. "At the moment...yes, I guess I did. But like I said, I blocked out who he was, what he's done."

"In the moment?" She inspects further. "How did you feel afterwards, then?"

My eyes fall to the floor, not having the confidence to meet her curious glare, "Guilty," I bite my lower lip before adding, "Confused."

I walked straight into the usual work room, seeing Zayn already seated with his Macbook open. "I'm sorry I'm late," I say.

"Chill, it's only 3 minutes you missed. I'm sure you'll catch up." Suddenly, I'm thankful to have a manager like Zayn. Maybe he's slightly biased toward me compared to the other designers but I'm not complaining. "To make up for it, you could get me another coffee from the staff room." He beams with an overly smitten smile to persuade me. I roll my eyes, grabbing his cup.

"Straight on it, your Majesty." I joke and he laughs.

"Make it in less than two minutes and I'll knight you." He jokes back and I shake my head in laughter. I'm glad to be making Zayn a coffee because it meant I could get one too. I was a bit tense walking in today, knowing that they all probably know what happened but I'm relieved when Zayn doesn't mention it. All I want today to be is normal, boring, regular. I wonder if Zayn knew what Harry planned.