HEARTBEAT {h.s}

31

Friday

This week has felt so quick. I felt like I'd been running a race but never reaching the finish line.

I feel myself getting fitter and stronger due to the intense training sessions I've had this week. I wasn't in bad shape before, but I was not prepared for this. Yesterday was the most difficult of them all.

Not only did I have to repeat everything I learned over the week but Liam taught me some practical skills like being able to stealthily pickpocket or efficiently use seduction methods.

Niall had also introduced me to some tools and gadgets. I had stood frozen for a whole ten minutes watching him press against one of the gym walls to have it spin 180 degrees to reveal a bunch of weaponry and machines.

Who would've thought I've been working out next to a fucking rocket launcher?

Most of the weapons I avoided and focused on learning things like night vision binoculars. He even should me some new ones they had brought in specifically for me. I didn't understand until I was holding a shoulder bag where the strap extends wire when pulled so it can be an anchor used to abseil up or down a building.

A lipstick that's a lighter.

An earring that's a camera.

A hairbrush that's a taser.

Holding each item in my hands felt surreal. These are the kind of gadgets you see in action movies. I'd hope that I'd never have to use any of these things but that would be naive of me. I know my situation, I know the contract I signed so if I was going to prove myself to SIN and get my freedom, I will have to embrace these tasks and stand courageous against the violence around me.

I've seen enough to last a lifetime but I know it won't be the end. The best thing I can do for myself is to prepare for the worst.

Niall and I didn't speak about me seeing him at the theatre the other day or Eden. Or the fact that I suspected her 'friend' in New York' is probably him. I have tried to warn both her and him multiple times and it's only pushed us further away. Niall made a promise and I can only hope he keeps it.

Yesterday, Harry also showed me an intricate garter that is worn under a dress, helping me practice to put it on over my gym leggings. His fingers accidentally brushed my leg a few times and it made my skin tingle even through the material. Looking down at his unruly curls as he focused on tightening the straps, made it hard to keep myself calm. I don't know why he has such an effect on me, especially after everything. It's like my body speaks a different language to my brain. Or maybe the body language is stronger and more difficult to suppress.

Today, however, I'm back again at the mansion for the third day in a row but this time for a different reason. It's my second session with Clare.

I've told her about everything that's happened the last week, more enthusiastically than the last time, as she nods along.

I like Clare.

Everyone disappoints me at some point though so I'm still slightly cautious.

"You aren't going to say anything?" I ask Clare.

"It's nice to hear you speak more this time." She answers, "Is there a reason why, do you think?"

"Isn't that what you're supposed to tell me?" I question.

"Not necessarily. I'm mostly here to listen and give you advice than to give you reasons and evaluations."

I nod, "Okay..." I say whilst thinking, "Maybe it's because I admitted to myself...and Harry, in a way, that maybe I should give therapy a second chance."