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After yesterday I had a lot to think about not really about Ron but what I actually wanted. I never knew to be honest I mean I wanted to survive, people I care about to survive. But I felt as if I'd only been surviving and when I did experience "love" it is a cruel joke. I haven't talked to Ron since well everything happened, he walked past my house a couple of times and waited outside as if he was about to knock on the door and apologize. I didn't know if I'd accept it though. I always let people apologize to me but do not change and I'd just deal with it. I thought I wasn't weak anymore but that wasn't true I let people take advantage of me I blamed myself for what Ron did, to be honest even though I told him to stop I still felt guilty.
The past couple of days Bailey and Enid went missing I didn't know if they were taken or they just ran away together. I missed Bailey a lot she was one of my best friends it felt empty without her.
Carl hadn't left my side since the Ron thing I didn't know if he knew what happened he never asked why Ron and I haven't talked since. I had the gut feeling he knew I just didn't know how. Carl and I usually would go on walks around Alexandria in silence as we walked I think we both found comfort in it. Sometimes I wondered how he was the same boy who killed Jody I didn't like to think about that though I'd like to think he changed. It was funny to me though how much I'd grown to like the boy maybe it was how naive we were when we first met but I felt empty without his company. Like if I couldn't breathe properly without him.
Ron had finally asked Rick, especially how to defend himself even after I taught him how. I mean I wasn't going to take him shooting after what happened. I don't know why out of nowhere he wanted to learn more about how to do it...I got a bad feeling about it though after he said he'd kill Carl my blood boiled at the thought of it. Rick asked Carl and me to be there Carl was reluctant to go I didn't want to be the reason he doesn't go so I said I'd go if he was coming or not I could tell he got frustrated at that as his hands went into fists.
"Handguns will be a little better for your first go. Magazine release. Slide release. Thumb safety." Rick said taking me out of my thoughts as he demonstrated to Ron. Ron carefully watched more to the gun than when I taught him.
"That stuff's easy, right, Dad?" Carl said beside me as Ron gave him a nasty glare and then looked at me even nastier I ignored his eye contact as I looked back to my feet. Ron made my stomach turn I hated it. I hated him having so much impact on the way I felt.
"Yeah. Empty magazine. Empty the chamber. See it?" Rick continued on as Ron played close attention bringing his eyes away from us.
"Yeah." He mumbled.
"Someone's in front of you, they have a gun," Rick said pointing in front of him showing the image.
"You're gonna be scared. You will be." Carl threatened, making me roll my eyes. I wanted to leave the situation as I felt Ron's eyes burning onto me. "Stop looking at her," Carl said nonchalantly. Ron obliged as he brought his attention back to Rick.
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𝑳𝒊𝒂𝒓 | 𝒄𝒂𝒓𝒍 𝒈𝒓𝒊𝒎𝒆𝒔
Fanfic"Do you know how easy it would be for me to kill you right now?" ♤in which a boy's mercy prevails over his wrath. ┏━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━┓ [starting season: end of 3] ...