𝙎𝙃𝘼𝘿𝙊𝙒 𝙊𝙁 𝙏𝙃𝙀 𝙁𝙇𝘼𝙈𝙀

𝘁𝘄𝗲𝗹𝘃𝗲

Maven

"For real, I used to think a plant would grow inside me if I ate the seeds."

I laugh watching the panic behind Thomas's eyes. "Really?"

"I'm dead serious."

Somehow, that makes it even funnier. "Then you would've been the first man to give birth to a watermelon."

He smacks my arm and I laugh. Even though he pretends to be annoyed, he soon joins me. Our laughs echo through the air. We're sitting by a storage building at the edge of camp with the sun high in the sky, overlooking us. I brought some berries that we are sharing from a small bag between our legs. He's in his uniform like I am in mine because I come from a meeting and he comes from a job.

"Well, I think I've embarrassed myself enough," Thomas says. "Do you have any silly childhood stories that you would like to share with the class?"

"Mmm..." I think about it for a minute. "Not really."

"Didn't your parents ever scare you or make you wear something ridiculous? Your brother never teased you?"

"My parents didn't scare me that way, but I'm curious to know what they made you wear," I add with a smirk.

"Ugh, don't ask. It's humiliating."

I laugh. "My brother played with me when I was younger. I used to go to him every night because I was scared of the dark and would have nightmares. He'd distract me with a game or story." I think for another moment about something else that could make him smile. "Once he dared me to dance with a girl that is... difficult to say the least. She kept twirling me around and my feet barely survived all her stomps."

"Was she wearing heels?"

"The pointy ones."

"That sounds painful."

"You're smiling."

"Am I?"

I throw a berry at him and he squeals.

"I'm sorry!" he says between laughs as he puts his hands up in fake surrender.

"Don't lie!" I snicker and send another fruit his way. He steals the bag from me and throws it whole at my face. I barely have time to react when he launches at me and starts tackling me.

"Don't stain my uniform," he scolds me with a half smile.

"Then don't laugh at me," I say back and twist my leg around his ankle to throw him off. He huffs out a breath as he falls next to me and I move to hold his arms, but he pushes me off with his legs.

"You're so dead, Maven." He lands on my shoulders and starts twisting my arms behind me. I struggle under his weight but I refuse to lose.

"You wish."

I kick out and he falls on top of me. Quickly, I turn us around and place my arms at his sides, holding his wrists to immobilise him. My legs hold down his feet.

"Not fair! You're trained for this!"

"Guess I like playing a little dirty," I smirk down at him.

His big eyes look up at me and suddenly the proximity sinks in. The smile falls from my face. I see the mole in his neck that I rarely get to contemplate. Somehow it feels forbidden to be able to see it. He's breathing hard after the wrestling and a few strands of his hair fall at the side of his eyes. The temperature around us rises.

Thomas coughs. "Um, I need to get back to..."

"Oh, right, right." I get off him quickly and offer to help him up, but then I hesitate to grab his hand again. It somehow feels wrong.

"Yeah, the workers, um, might wonder where I am," he chuckles, sitting up.

"Right." It seems I can't think of another word other than that. "They'll... right."

"Yup." He glances at me but looks away. "You probably also have..."

"Right, I have to..."

"Right."

"Yeah."

"Um... I'll see you around," he stands up and starts walking away, but then stops and turns around. He smiles at me. "Nice seeing you."

"Right," I look up at him and want nothing more than to make him stay. But it would be wrong. Something's off. What's happening to me? "I... uh, thanks! See you!"

"Yeah, bye!"

"Bye!"

He disappears around the corner and I sink into the floor. What the fuck? My fingers grab fistfuls of my hair. What is wrong with me? I feel so small and too big at the same time. My insides shake but there are no tremors in my body. What's happening? I all but run to my tent, not looking at anyone I encounter on the way there.

When the tent flaps close behind me I'm panting. It's not just the run here that's got me so agitated. When I close my eyes I see his eyes, his neck. That mole. That hidden little detail. Why can't I get it off my head? I take a glass of water and gulp it down. I need to get a hold of myself.

I scared him. I made him uncomfortable with whatever it is I'm feeling. Thomas couldn't even see me straight in the eye. I can't get him out of my head. I want to see him again. I want to hold his hand. I want him.

"Fuck," I whisper as I put my head in my hands.

I remember one time I caught two Red servants in Whitefire. Men. Mother dealt with it when I told her and I never saw them again. If they were fired or killed for what they did I never found out. It's not something new, really. It's just unusual. I would be lying if I hadn't thought of it before, if I'd never questioned myself, but I just never expected it to happen to me. I don't want this. I don't want someone. I can't have someone.

But I want Thomas.

I can't lie to myself about it. I really like spending time with him. I go beyond myself to make time to see him. He makes me feel like I mean something, like I matter. And not because I'm a prince. Simply because I'm me. How am I supposed to feel about that? What am I supposed to do? It's terrifying. I don't know what to do.

"Get it together, Maven," I tell myself.

He's just a friend. Nothing can happen. I don't want to lose him. Thomas is my friend, no matter what the feeling in my stomach tells me. He's just a friend. And I just need to get it together.