𝙎𝙃𝘼𝘿𝙊𝙒 𝙊𝙁 𝙏𝙃𝙀 𝙁𝙇𝘼𝙈𝙀

𝗳𝗼𝘂𝗿𝘁𝗲𝗲𝗻

Maven

"Gather up!" Lerolan barks at the end of training.

I wipe away the sweat in my face and join the other soldiers around the General. He studies our current state and frowns.

"Tomorrow you will rest," he announces. "There will be no training."

A few of the soldiers whoop and laugh at the rare news, but I don't. Even though my body desperately needs a pause, my mind tells me something is up.

"I've seen promising improvement and I believe you deserve some leisure time for your bodies to be in top condition," he continues. "In a few days, you will thank me. My Commander has instructed me to lead you to the front in three days..."

My ears ring and I stop listening. The front. We're going back. Lerolan goes on about preparations and something that will happen tomorrow but I don't register it. My body feels numb. I'll be back in that nightmare all over again. With the screaming and the blood.

My feet follow the others as we move across the field to the baths in the building beside it. There's light chatter between the soldiers, but I keep my eyes glued to the ground. We're due to the front in three days. That's all I can think of. Three days. It's even less time than before. Before I was warned weeks prior. Now it's barely any time at all. Only three days before I'm back in that trench.

We reach the showers and I step into a stall, taking my clothes off there. I've refused to change outside with the others for the last couple of weeks. The water washes away all the sweat and dirt. I wish it could wash me away so I wouldn't have to go to the front. Only until Cal's birthday, I remind myself. We'll be back at Whitefire then and I won't have to come back.

After bathing, I change inside the stall, and only once I'm fully dressed, I step out. The other boys aren't as discreet as me. My eyes study the floor tiles as I gather my things. Three days. That is all I have. I focus on those three blessed days. Whatever comes after... won't matter. I can push it all away. Build a wall around it and feel nothing. That's what I tell myself as I carry my things down the hall. I can numb it all out. I'm an expert at that anyway.

The voices of the other soldiers bring me back to the present. They've gotten louder and some of the men have gathered by the entrance to watch something.

"...you silly boy! Lost your way to the kitchens?" someone mocks.

Some of the Red soldiers begin a retort when I spot the object of their amusement.

He stands near the entrance to the baths holding a small bag of fruit. His round honey eyes search the crowd. As I move between two soldiers our eyes meet. Thomas. His face lights up when he sees me.

"Hasn't anyone told you to stick to your side, kitchen boy?"

"Please excuse me," I call out. "I'm trying to get through."

The crowd parts to let me pass, recognising my face. The Silvers are hardly moved though. They stare me down as I walk out.

"Mav—" Thomas starts but I interrupt him with a gesture of my head. Not here, in front of everyone.

He follows me away from the building as the others's eyes burn into our backs. I lead us to our usual meeting place near the ammo storage area. When we get there I finally turn to him. He's wearing his worker uniform and still carries that bag of fruit.

"What happened? You wanted to talk?" I ask him. He's never come to meet me before.

"I wanted to repay you," he says, not entirely looking at me, "for the berries I spilt the other day." He hands me the bag. I peek inside and see it full of strawberries.

"I know it's not everything you brought that time, but I couldn't find it all," he continues.

"You didn't have to," I tell him, feeling warm. He got all this fruit just for me.

"Well, I felt like I did. I saw you in the training field and remembered, so I went to the kitchens to find something."

"I'm sorry about the other soldiers. They don't...they're...um..."

"Because I'm a Red," he completes sourly. "I know."

Would you hate me if you knew? I think. He probably would. "I'm sorry," I repeat.

"It's not your fault."

I don't say anything else. There's nothing I could say to make it better. Instead I take a seat, leaning against the wall, and offer the strawberries to him while popping one in my mouth.

"They're supposed to be for you," he laughs, but takes one anyway and sits beside me.

"So how have you been?" I ask, trying to break the silence that's settled between us.

"Fine. The workers have been very busy, but it's alright. I've been writing home too, and letters are supposed to arrive today or tomorrow."

"Do all your siblings write?"

"Well, sort of. Not all of them can write so Jamie does it for them, but in a way it is them writing."

"I bet," I smile at the thought of his little brothers and sisters cuddling around a piece of paper for him. The brother that went to war for them.

"Do you write to your family often?" he asks me.

"To my mum, yes." Not that her letters are anything like the ones he probably gets. Mother doesn't worry over me fighting armed soldiers and being in the firing zone.

He puts another berry in his mouth before he gets a chance to answer.

"I'm going to the front again." The words spill out. I don't even think them through properly before I speak them. They're eating me alive. I'm going back.

"What?" Thomas looks at me with worry. "When? Why?"

"In three days," I say. "Because... they're orders." From my Father, I add mentally. Because for some reason I have to prove myself worthy of being his son.

He goes for my hand hesitantly and I let him. I want him to hold me. I want him to tell me everything will be alright even if I know it's a lie. Coming from him, it won't feel as terrible.

"I don't really know what to say, Maven. I'm sorry."

I don't need his words. His mere presence is enough to comfort me.

"You'll be okay. You train for this every day. I'm sure you'll be okay."

"I know," I tell him. Nothing serious can happen to me because I'm the prince. "I just wished I didn't have to go."

"Me neither."

I turn to him and he meets my eyes, but I can't exactly tell what he's thinking. It feels different, yet there's no awkwardness like before. It's like an understanding. It makes me desperately want to stay. But I'll be leaving in three days and Thomas will stay behind.

I just need to get through it to get back.