𝙎𝙃𝘼𝘿𝙊𝙒 𝙊𝙁 𝙏𝙃𝙀 𝙁𝙇𝘼𝙈𝙀

𝘀𝗶𝘅𝘁𝗲𝗲𝗻

Maven

I am relieved of training the next day. In part because General Lerolan is still at the front, but also as an extension of his punishment. A soldier with nothing to do is useless, worthless, irrelevant. Next time, don't just stand by and do nothing as your team dies. The words sting more than my swollen cheek. Father will surely hear about this.

I clench my fists until I feel blood oozing into my nails and stay in bed far longer than I should. Until my stomach rumbles too loudly and I have to go to the cafeteria and force the tasteless food down my throat. I avoid looking at anyone at the Silver table, which is significantly less crowded, and sit down far away from everyone. A place where the line between Reds and Silvers is blurry.

I'm too late for breakfast, but too early for lunch, so I'm faced with boiled vegetables and a suspicious-looking mound of mashed potatoes. I stare at my plate for a long time before I venture a bite. The vegetables are scattered like limbs over bloodied soil.

Nausea rises in my throat and I feel my mouth go dry. I clutch the fork in an attempt to ground myself. I'm at camp. I'm not at the front. My ears start ringing. What would Mother say about this? What will Father say when he finds out?

Next time, don't just stand by and do nothing as your team dies.

I force myself to bite and swallow the food even as I feel sweat break out over my entire body. Why am I so weak? I shiver as the food goes down. I fucking hate it here.

"Hey," a voice says beside me while placing a food tray next to my seat.

I look into Thomas's warm eyes. He smiles at me. "Hello," I answer.

He's never sat with me before. I suddenly become very self conscious. I didn't even wash my face this morning.

"How are you feeling?" he asks.

I feel my cheeks flush and look away. The memory of me crying on his arms yesterday comes back. That was very pathetic of me. Definitely not how I would've liked for him to see me. I can't look at him after that. Besides, I can't bring myself to lie to him while looking into his bright eyes.

"I'm good."

"You sure?"

I hesitate only a moment. "Yes."

I turn to him and smile as proof. Honestly, I didn't think he'd buy it, but I guess I'm getting better at lying and pretending than I thought. I just wished I didn't have to wear this mask with him as well. He stares at me for a few seconds but then nods and turns to his food. I almost sigh.

"You know, I have a free day today," he comments. "Do you want to come with me to a clearing nearby? It's kind of my secret place."

He looks a bit sheepish when he says that and it does something to me.

"Un-unless you have training today!" he adds quickly. "You don't have to come. I mean, we can go some other time or—"

"No, I actually don't have... I'm free today as well." For once, it doesn't feel like a punishment.

"Great." His smile almost makes me melt right there. "Let's just finish this and head there."

He goes straight to his food and I watch him. His hair falls over his eyes as he eats.

I really don't feel like eating anymore. I only move the food around my plate and wait for him to be over.

"You're not gonna eat that?"

"I'm not very hungry. I'm still full from breakfast," I lie.

"It's okay. I'll talk to the cooks to give us something for our trip."

"Trip? Is it very far?"

He laughs. "Are you backing out, soldier?"

Next time, don't just stand by and do nothing...

"Of course not."