Broken Kitten

I'd Rather kill Myself than hurt you

"Haven wait!" He yelled at me as I began to walk away from him. "I swear to god if you go then..-"

"Then what Josh?! Our little fling is over? Okay, cool."

"Haven, please.."

"I'm going period. There's nothing you can do about it, so I guess it's over."

"You don't mean that." He growled, grabbing ahold of my arm which made me have flashbacks to Andrew.

"Get the fuck off of me." I growled, taking my free arm and pushing him as hard as I could to get him off of me. I looked back at him to see a hurt expression on his face.

"Baby, I'm sorry." He spoke, softer now. He looked guilty, and I'm sure he was sorry for grabbing me. He knew what I had been through.

"I'm not your baby."

"Haven, please." He begged again.

"Why do you fucking want me to stay so bad? So that you can keep getting fucked? Go find someone else."

"Its not like that.. At. All. You are not some fucking toy to me. Haven-"

"I don't have time for this!" I yelled, cutting him off. "I'm gonna be late to this date."

"Five seconds Haven, please. Just hear me out.. Just give me five seconds."

"I'm fucking counting. I don't have time for this bullshit."

"Haven I-" He sighed, frustrated before he looked back over at me and took a few steps closer. He reached out and ever so gently took my hand in his. "Listen, you mean way more to me than just a fuck."

"I know, I'm your fucking sub... You need me so that you're a good dom or some bullshit that doesn't even matter anymore because its over!"

"Haven, listen!" He yelled back before collecting himself and continuing. "I.. I love the way you curl up next to me when I wanna play video games, and how you giggle when I lose because I get so frustrated over a game. Or how you insist on holding my hand during car rides. I love how you pout when you don't get your way because lets face it, I spoil you way too much. I love how you sing to me even though you think you're terrible, and I love how small you feel when your wrapped in my arms... Haven, I'm begging you please don't go on this date. I don't wanna lose all of these things.. I don't wanna lose you because damn it Haven I love you!" It hurt me to see Josh in pain, not only because we had gotten so close during this 'relationship' but because above all else he had been my bestfriend for years. But I was torn between dropping it to make him feel better, or leaving to protect myself.

"I can't-"

"Haven, shush. Actually you know what... Go on this date and then come home and tell me that you wanna give all of this up for whoever he is."

"Josh I-"

"Just go Haven!" He yelled, getting even more upset.  "Go fuck some guy and tell me you rather be with him!"

"I'm not- You know what?! Fuck! You!" I yelled back at him, grabbing my jacket and my purse. I didn't say another word to him as I walked out the door and got into the car that Chris had let me borrow. I connected my phone and called him on Bluetooth.

"Hey Hav." Chris answered.

"Chris." I breathed a sigh of relief, hearing his voice. I had told him about the date, but whats new? I tell him pretty much everything.

"Whats up Havy?"

"I don't know what to do anymore." I confessed to him, leaning back in my seat. "What should I do?"