Broken Kitten

Hallowing

Life isn't like a book, it doesn't have a perfect ending, nor does it always make sense.

With a book, you know the end is coming and you can brace yourself. And it never ends in the middle of a sentence.. You at least get closure.

But she ended in the middle of a breath and my life has never felt so empty.

I thought loosing my dad was enough pain, going to his funeral was hallowing.. But I'd never felt anything like this.

"I can't do this, man." I whispered to Chris, feeling sick to my stomach.

"You think I can? This is the last place I want to be. I never wanted to do this." He sounded monotone but his words had a bite. I felt increasingly sicker causing me to run to the restroom to throw up.

"You're making yourself sick baby." My mom spoke, putting a hand on my back as soon as I came out of the bathroom. She handed me a water bottle and gave me a sad smile. "I hate seeing you like this."

"I don't think I can do this, mom... I don't have the strength."

"Find it, Joshua. You know she would do the same for you. What would she say if she were here right now, huh? What would she want you to do?"

I blinked back tears and took deep breaths as I looked off in thought. I think she would understand... But she would definitly be let down and hurt if I walked out on her. I had to be strong for her, I had to pull it together.

I walked down the hall with my mom and entered the huge room, most of the seats were still empty.. But we had came early.

When we saw Chris my mom brought him into a hug.

"I'm so sorry for your loss, baby. I know how close you and your sister were." I watched my mom with Chris untill I felt a hand on my shoulder.

"I'm so sorry, Josh... I-" Ryan didnt know what to say and this was the first time I had seen him or talked to him in days. Truth be told, I had only been answering my phone to Chris or my mom and I didnt leave my house. All of the guys were here. There wasnt a chance in this world that they weren't going to show up for her. We all loved her. She was like a sister to all of them.

"I'm sorry, I.. Need a minute." I excused myself and exited the doors, back into the hallway, taking some deep breaths. This was all too much.

"Hey.. You got this. You can get through this... After all, you're doing this for her. And we've all got your back man." I looked over to see Ricky.

"I can't believe this is real I.. We shouldn't be burying her. For godsakes shes younger than I am!"

"I know, dude. It really fucking sucks. I don't think anyones having an easy time grasping this, I mean... She might have been your girl, and Chris's sister but even to the rest of us that was our Haven."

After more people showed up we seated in the pews.

In my row was Chris and Haven's dad, mom, Chris, then me and my mom, Justin and his girlfriend.

Right behind us was Ricky and his girlfriend, Ryan and his wife, Vinny, Devin, and Kylie. Even Angelo and TJ had shown up.. Everyone who had ever been in the band had had her in their lives at one point and showed up.

The preacher spoke but I didn't pay much attention for a while.

"Alright, I believe her brother Chris would like to come up and say some words, yeah?" The room was silent as Chris got up and made his way to the front.

"I, Uh.. I'm Haven's brother Chris. I know my little sister wouldn't want anyone in here to be upset today.. I know its h-hard without her here, trust me I know.. But she never liked for anyone to be upset or sad. I was lucky enough to have a really good relationship with my sister