Broken Kitten

See you Later

I carefully climbed over Josh and out of the bunk, leaving him to sleep as I made my way to the front of the bus.

"Morning." Chris greeted, lounging around with messy bedhead. "How'd you sleep?" He asked, a smirk on his face.

"Really good actually. I feel so... Refreshed." He shook his head at me, a smile on his face and I knew what he was thinking. That he was right, and I just needed Josh. I was pathetic. "Save it, I don't wanna hear it." I shook my head as I reached into the fridge and grabbed a starbucks bottled coffee.

"I won't say it, we both know it anyways... You know, you're really gonna be missed around here."

"Well you're the one making me leave." I mumbled, turning around to face him, pressing my back against the door of the fridge. "So everyone can thank you for that."

"Haven, you need him. You're not ready for this.. To be apart from him and be around all the craziness."

"I would have gotten through it.. I'm a tough girl."

"Maybe, but maybe not. And either way he would've killed us both if I didnt tell him what was going on with you."

"It wasnt that big of a deal!" I shouted, forgetting for a moment that everyone else was still trying to sleep.

"Shut up, people are sleeping Havy." I rolled my eyes at him. "You know I love having you around... I wouldn't be making you leave if it wasn't necessary."

"It's not. But okay." I rolled my eyes, turning back away from him.

"Haven, please. Don't make this hard on me, I'm doing the right thing for you. I dont want you to leave either but its whats best for you."

"Bullsh-"

"Morning." Josh spoke, walking into the room in the middle of our conversation.

"Hey." Chris greeting him, letting that be the end of our little argument. I crossed my arms over my chest and glared at Chris. I wasn't done. I wasnt over it.

"Good morning grump." Josh kissed my forehead but my eyes never left Chris. "Don't be mad at him for looking out for you." I sighed, walking over to the couch and plopping down.

"Let her be mad, Josh. She'll get over it." Chris spoke before walking back to the bunks.

"Baby, you know he's only doing what's best for you."

"Bullshit! I want to be here, on this tour. I'm fine and I'll be perfectly okay."

"Kit-"

"No! You guys don't fucking listen! Did you ever stop to ask me what I think is best for me? Instead of just controlling my fucking life. Did you two forget that I run this fucking show? Fuck you both!" I knew I shouldn't have snapped like that, but in the moment I was just so angry I couldn't keep it in anymore. I stormed off to the bunks, pushing Chris aside as I ran into the bathroom and locked the door. I didn't want to be bothered. I just wanted to be alone.

"Haven." I heard Josh's voice on the other side of the door.

"Leave me alone." I groaned, wiping away tears of anger that had spilled out.

"Haven, please. Open the door... Lets just talk."

"I just wanna be alone." The bus fell quiet for a while, leaving me to just think.

Untill a little time later when there was a knock on the door, causing me to groan.

"I said leave me alone!"

"Uhh.. Its Ricky.. I'v just gotta use theo restroom." I had momentarily forgotten that the other boys were even on the bus. I let out a sigh as I unlocked the door and exited, letting him go in.

"You know, I'm here if you ever wanna talk.. I'm not Chris, I'm not Josh but I don't mind lending an ear." Ricky spoke when he came out.

"I don't want to leave... And I feel like no ones listening." I sighed, dropping my head as Ricky stood infront of me.

"C'mere." He spoke, gently taking my hand and pulling me into the bathroom. He placed me infront of the sink and turned me to face the mirror as he stood behind me, a hand gently on my waist. "I don't know what you see.. But I see someone who looks exhausted and over worked. Someone who could use a little peace, quiet and rest. I wouldn't try to push myself if I were in your position.. And yeah, maybe you'd get through this whole tour with us but maybe taking a short break is wise."

The bags under my eyes and the dark circles told me he was right, but I didn't want to leave.

"Just take a little time to yourself.. And then come back to us and finish this tour.. After all, do you really think we could finish it without you?" He smiled at me before patting my shoulder and leaving the room.

A short break wasn't going to kill me. Sure, Id miss my boys and the shows.. But maybe taking a week or two off wouldn't be so bad.

The bus was a little quieter than usual up untill it was time to start getting ready and they started hyping each other up. I stayed quiet and off to myself as I put on my makeup and then got dressed.

"There she is! Theres our queen." Chris joked, grabbing me and squeezing me as I walked out of the bathroom, dressed and ready to go.

"You mean Vinny's mistress?" Ricky chuckled.

"As I recall, actually you were pretty down to be her slave boy too yesterday." Chris spoke matter of factly.

"Haven? A mistress? What kind of parallel are we in right now? That girl doesn't have an ounce of dominance in her bones." Josh shook his head, laughing.

"Hey, I could bring you to your knees if I wanted to." I put my hand on my hip, raising a brow at Josh as I practically challenged his authority.

"Maybe in your dreams kitten."

The show that night turned out to be a blast and it was definitly a good note to end on for me.

Of course Chris putting in extra effort to make it fun for me did help alot.

Although I think it left a lot of people and fans confused, especially after Chris got down on his knees to 'worship' me as he sang, and dedicating the show to me half way through with a 'I fucking love you Haven' didn't help.

Some people definitly knew what was up but I think it left the more uneducated fans thinking that there was something going on between Chris and I.

"We're really gonna miss you Hav.. But just take care of yourself so you can come back to us, okay?" Ricky spoke as we all stood around that night, getting ready to part ways.

"I'll m-miss you gu-guys too." I couldn't hold back the tears that choked me up. I hated good byes. Fuck, I wasnt even good at 'see you later's. Chris grabbed my shoulder and pulled me into his chest as he crushed me in a bear hug.

"Don't cry my baby sis." He spoke quietly, leaning down closer to my ear so things were more personal and just between us. "Everything's going to be okay. You'll get through this one just like the last one.. And you are coming back before its over Hav. I'll call you, text you, face time you... Ill bug you all the time. In fact you won't be able to get rid of me, despite the fact that youd probably like to." He joked, trying to lighten the mood. "Do me a favor Havy." He pulled back a little to look at my face as I wiped some tears away. "I need you to take care of yourself for me. Get some rest, let yourself have some time to breath and find peace. You need to put yourself first. Okay?" I nodded my head and he reached out, holding his pinkie up. As I linked mine with his he pulled me back into a hug.

I loved my brother more than anything and I really hated having to leave. We had alwayd been inseparable. Always.

"I love you and I'll see you in a couple weeks. Okay, Havy?"

"I love you too Chrissy."

After saying my good byes to the rest of the boys Josh and I got into the car and started the drive back home.

The one in which I cried myself to sleep during while I thought about everything I was going to be missing out on.