Broken Kitten

I Need your Strength

"Are you sure you wanna do this alone baby?" Josh asked, hesitating as he stood by the bed and held my hand as I sat with my phone in my other hand. I nodded.

"I'll be fine, promise." I mumbled. He leaned down and placed a kiss on the top of my head.

"I'll be in the living room if you need me, okay?" I didn't want to do this.. But I had to. After he had left the room I gave myself no time to even think about what I was doing as I pressed the call button. My hands shook as I bounced my knee.

One ring... Two rings... Three rings.. Fou- "Hey Havy. What's up?" I heard my brothers voice over the background noises of other voices and commotion.

"Ch-Chris.. Do you have a second? I gotta ta-talk to you..."

"Of course.. What's going on?" His voice was instantly concerned.

"I really didn't wanna have to tell you like this.. Over the phone and in the middle of tour but I also can't keep it from you. I need you and your strength Chrissy.. I umm.. So I-" I broke off as I felt like I was suffocating. I took some deep breaths as I closed my eyes and focused on the words I wanted to get out but trying not to let my mind think too much at the same time. "I went to the doctors and they did a bunch of tests... I uh, turns out I've-"

"Hav, just tell me. You know you can tell me anything... Please, you're killing me here."

"Ive got c-cancer Chris..." The phone went silent as tears fell down my face and quiet noises slipped past my lips.

"What? Hav.. You.. You can't be serious. No..." The line consisted of only background noises for a short period of time before I heard his shakey breaths.

"Chris?" I sniffled. "Please... Say something.. Anything.. Ch-"

"Its gonna be okay Hav." I could hear the tears in his voice despite his attempts to hide the fact that he was crying. "I'll come home early.. And- and we'll get through this Haven. Havy.."

I heard Ricky's voice on the other end and it sounded close. I couldn't make out too many words but from the sound of it he was consoling Chris and I was thankful for him. After all I couldnt be there to do it myself.

"Chris I'm scared..." I admitted, putting a hand over my mouth to keep in the sobs that wanted to escape.

"It's gonna be okay Havy. I'm scared too... It's a scary thing but I'm gonna be right there with you every second. Okay? Everything's gonna be alright. You're strong, you're tough. It's okay."

I talked to Chris and let him calm me down untill he had to go. I decided it was best that he tell the guys and he was closer to mom and dad than I was so I left that to him too. I just couldn't be bothered. I didn't have the energy.

And he was more than willing to take the weight off my shoulders.

I was always thankful for him and I knew I was lucky with how good of a brother I ended up having but in times like these I was even more grateful.

Over the following months he made it to every appointment possible and when he got home from touring he was always over at our house to spend time with me.. Despite the fact that I never had much energy.

He had no idea how much strength he gave me and how much I relied on him.

I was so thankful for my brother.